This time it was Jared (From New Moon)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 12:48 PM
Since I'm sure not many of you know who I'm talking about, here is a video. His real name is Bronson Pelletier he's a yummy actor. I don't know his ethnic background, or how old he is. I'm hoping he's older than 16 or this dream would be awkward. So for the sake of my name, I am going to say he's 18. (and then pray that he really is 18 lol) Here's the video:

Cute Right?

Okay so onto the dream:
It started with us at the premier of New Moon, or maybe it was just a screening. It wasn't a HUGE event, but it was in a movie theater type setting. So we walk in, and we end up sitting in the same row as R.Patts, K.Stew, Kellan Lutz, Ashley Greene, and a bunch of other people from the movie. He introduces me to all of them, and we take our seats to start the movie. We're holding hands and he's like SUPER stoked to be there. He tells me that there was no better feeling than the feeling he was feeling right at that moment. To have his "guy" by his side watching the biggest accomplishment of his life. That SURELY deserved a kiss...so he got one. :)
So we're getting into the movie, but the scenery has changed. Instead of a big screening, we are at R.Patts house watching the movie. It's R.Patts&K.Stew, Taylor L&Taylor S, Ashley Greene&Her guy, and Bronson&I. Everyone is laid out, coupled up, having a good time. Everyone ends up losing focus in the movie and we're all just focusing on our other halves lol. Me and Bronson were the only ones watching the movie. He was like laying on the couch and and was sitting on the floor next to him like leaning back laying on him while he was rubbing my head. That's one thing that I really like, when people rub my head/ears while we're just chillin' out. Then out of nowhere he just stops, and I look up and he's just smiling at me for what I think is no reason. He tells me to get up on the couch with him so I do. Now I'm laying on the couch, and he's laying with his head on my chest. Now I'm the one playing with his hair and he's softly outlining random shapes on my hand while we watch the movie.
Then it was like all the actors from the movie were On-Call doctors because they all got a text and were jumping up putting jackets and shoes on like they'd just been paged to surgery. Bronson wasn't too happy about the text though. He told me it said that they had some last minute events to do in the UK and had to catch a Red Eye flight in an hour to make it there in time. He didn't know how long he'd be gone, and wished I could come along.
He said he had a question he wanted to ask me, and we went outside in private. He asked me if I would move in with with after he got done with all the New Moon events and stuff. I told him I'd think about it and when he came back home I'd let him know. With that simply answer he was back to the giddy/excited/proud guy he was at the premier, he kissed me and said he had to go grab a few things from in the house. I told him I'd be in in a minute. The door was glass so I could see him when he got into the house. He high fived Taylor Lautner and I assumed they all knew he wanted to ask me that. I smiled, stood up and went to join my new "family" while they got ready to leave. As soon as I touched the door to open it, I woke up and it was all gone.


Update: Bronson Pelletier is 23 and is Canadian.

Today is my Sunday :)

Monday, November 23, 2009 at 8:41 PM

My Family Doesn't Hug.

Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 10:40 PM
I love my family with all my heart, I really do, I just wish we hugged more. My family is really weird when it comes to love and stuff like that. I don't remember the last time I told my mom I loved her. When I watch TV and stuff EVERYONE tells their parents they love them before they hang up, that's not my family. If I were to tell my mom I loved her randomly she would think I was dying. It would just build an awkward situation. My nieces of course are good with the love stuff and the hugs. But the older ones in the family aren't. I don't think I've hugged my sisters (outside of funerals) since I was like 7 years old....and I hate it.
My family isn't vocal about love. My dad beat my mom the whole time they were together before I was born, and after I was born they just argued ALL the time. My oldest sister has two kids by two different men, one of which she only knows his last name. She's in a relationship with a man who just bought a house with another woman. My youngest sister is in a relationship with a man who she knows is cheating on her, and she's recently befriended the girl she's being cheated on with. I LOVE my sisters, and my mother...but I don't want that love. A lot of times I COMPLETELY hate everything I am, and a lot of time I think I don't deserve anything good, but I don't want that kind of love. I want someone who makes me think better of myself, not worse. I want someone who will be GOOD for me. I'm not saying I want a man to validate me, but I want my significant other to be a positive influence in my life. I want him to be there for me to help me whenever I need him. If I'm still dealing with my self esteem issues when I find a guy I want him to be there to hold my hand and be by my side as I go through it all. I want someone who is good for me, and with the pattern of what my family has...I'm afraid to fall in love. I'm afraid I'll end up loving a man who doesn't love me but I'll be to stubborn or too blinded by love to let go.
I'm afraid, and lost and I don't have anyone to go to and talk about love with. I don't have anyone to hug me and tell me stories of their past because my family buries their past. My family doesn't hug and I'm left to deal with my problems on my own...because that's what my family does.

You know, whenever I'm sad and crying and in need of a hug I think of my youngest niece. No, I NEED my youngest niece during times like that because even though she's 2 and knows absolutely nothing about my problems, she's hug me and I'll feel like everything is okay at that moment. I love my family, but my youngest niece is one of the very few people who make me feel like I'm not alone, like I'm understood.

My family doesn't hug...

Russian Roulette (Ft. Jesse Willams :D)

Sunday, November 15, 2009 at 11:49 AM
I made it easy on my readers even though I know most of you have probably already seen it by now. Here's the Russian Roulette video, I don't have to point out who I'm trying to spotlight in this video, he shines all by himself. Yeah it's Rihanna's music video but that's not why we're here, we're showcasing my future husband. It's funny that him and Xem Van Adams were in a film group or something back in college, I guess all light skinned guys with light eyes travel together haha jk jk

Here's Mr. Willams, though I call him My Dr. Avery :)

Untitled from bk maarten on Vimeo.



...*Swoon* (again)

This Sunday

at 11:40 AM
...things are gonna be a little different. Well first this post is actually being posted on Sunday which is very surprising for the both of us lol. Though the main difference is instead of a picture of a guy with nice eyes, I'll be posting a video of a guy with nice eyes. His name is Jesse Williams, but on Grey's Anatomy he's Dr. Jackson Avery. He's also in Rihanna's Russian Roulette video looking so damn sexy. Here's a video highlighting him and Christina Yang's "romance" on the show. They'd be cute together, but I think I like Christina and Owen together for now. I want Jesse to be the token gay guy on the show, though they have their lesbians so I don't think we'll get a gay couple too :/ lol Oh well I'll still dream of him and Korev secretly hooking up because that would just be a dream come true. Here's the video:




...*Swoon*