-Little Things Add Up-

Accepting Parenting equals Bad Parenting?

2011-04-18T23:49:00.002-04:00

Let me start off by apologizing for virtually being a ghost lately. The semester is nearing the end and I am BEYOND stressed so my head has been either buried deep within one of the many books I need in order to survive this semester, or deep in a bottle of vodka [on the weekends] to numb the stress of the impending doom that IS called FINALS. Though I figured I need to step away from the school stress and blog on a really good topic that I just ran across.

So I will do that now...

So I was on MediaTakeOut and they had an article about Gwen Stefani and her son Kingston. If you don't feel like checking out the link I'll just tell you the title. "Pics: Gwen Stefani Got Her 6 Year-Old Son A Pedicure...Painted His Toe Nails!! (Is It Time For Child Services Yet)." Now before I get into my opinion on the "article" (I use that term loosely) I'll start by saying that I know that MediaTakeOut is (for lack of better words) a "shit-starting" blog. They do nothing but stir up shit, and most of it ends up being false information anyways. But this article really got to me. I remember reading a few other articles about Gwen and her son that were pretty much the same as this. They either insinuate she's a bad parent or that she's forcing her son to be a homo because she is completely accepting of how he wants to express himself. Now I don't know 100% concrete facts about Gwen's family because I don't personally know them , but I can safely assume that how her son dresses and how his hair is and all that stuff isn't something that's being FORCED. I doubt it's really even being thought about as much as other people are thinking about it. I personally love this kids style, I wish I had that much swag when I was 6 years old (hell I wish I had that much swag NOW, at 19 years old.

The thing that I hate the most is that I don't just hear this stuff online. It's no secret that MediaTakeOut is catered to a black audience, and I have no problem with that. It's also no secret that I'm [half] black myself, which again, I have no problem with that [obviously lol]. But the thing that bothers me is that I hear this argument ALL the time. I know it's not JUST in the black community, but I feel the voice is much stronger within the black community. There literally isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear some kind of "rule" about what a boy can't do because it'll "make him a girl" or a "sissy" or "gay". There's like this box that people are so afraid to let themselves travel out of. It's like if you are someone who expresses themselves in a way that isn't JUST like what "men" are supposed to do...you're gay and your parents are wrong for letting it happen. While Willow Smith is PRAISED for being so different. While people are quick to joke around about Jayden Smith's sexuality because he wears animal print skinny jeans. Both children are doing the exact same thing [expressing themselves and being individuals] but the outcomes are seen differently.

It kills me to see people question a CHILD'S [or anyone else's] sexuality just because they are different from the "norm". I'm not completely innocent when it comes to this. If I see someone [mostly older people who aren't children] who is either a guy who is into "girly" stuff or a girl who is a tomboy I'll wonder [to myself] about their sexuality. I'll never deny that. I've always said that I AM a judgmental person, but I don't let my initial judgments of someone prevent me from getting to know who they actually are. I've met guys who say they are straight but are into Nicki Minaj and Lady Gaga and watch Glee and wear skinny jeans and have REALLY good hair, and yeah I might have the thought "you're definitely a homo" in the back of my head at first, if he tells me that he's straight and he's into girls...I'll 100% respect that and believe it. Though I have been in the situation where a guy cries straight then it's 2am and we're texting or IM'ing and he automatically becomes "curious" about gay stuff, then the next thing I know it he has 3 ex boyfriends and enjoys a stiff dick down his throat. So even though there are those cases where my judgments become valid, I don't validate them myself. I let the person validate them for me.

It seems that it's every day that a homo is crying that the world needs to be more accepting, but the cries are legit. The world DOES need to be more accepting. Hell, it doesn't even have to go that far. The world needs to just mind their fucking business. A lot more people would be happier if they quit stressing and ranting about what other people are doing with themselves. If people spent less time putting other people down. If we all just minded our own fucking business, it really wouldn't matter if a man goes home and blows his boyfriend until the sun comes up. It wouldn't matter if a chick goes home and muff dives while her gf watches Grey's Anatomy. It wouldn't matter if that hot chick at the bar has a dick that she spent all afternoon tucking to perfection. Shit just WOULDN'T MATTER because we'd all be too busy worrying about our fucking selves instead of crying that Gwen Stefani is a bad parent just because her son is HAPPILY walking down the street with painted toenails.

I really need to get a life.

2011-04-04T03:54:00.003-04:00

This has been on my mind all day and I figured I could just block it out until i eventually forgot about it. But it's 4am and i can't sleep, so it has to be talked about.

I know almost all my posts mention my ex, but that's currently my life. I hate saying I miss him bc it's been SO long, but I also hate trying to say that I DON'T miss him. It's kind of complicated [in my head] because I miss him, I won't lie about that. But I miss who I was when I was with him more than actually missing him. Not that who I was was more important or he was just there and that's all he was, but I think I've gotten over the whole "omg I miss you and I want you back and blah blah blah".

So last night I got pretty wasted. I've been making the mistake of drinking really fast lately. Not because I feel the need to drink drink drink, but we ALWAYS pregame before going out and with me I have to kind of drink a lot in order to get a good buzz. Though the past few weekends I've been getting to my cousins house kind of late and I have to cram in like 3 hrs of drinking within 1 hour in order to get to be bar and have a reasonable amount of time there. So long story short I've been rushing which has been leading to me getting WAYY too drunk WAY too fast. So last night I was pretty drunk and I got to drunk texting people. I sent texts to a couple people and my ex was one of them. I didn't really mean anything when I texted him I just wanted to talk to people [i was drinking grey goose and red bull at the bar which always spikes my energy for like a hour after i get home and then i crash lol]. So I texted him and then I went on facebook and I started to miss him. I also have a lot of stress with school and some family stuff that was just really getting to me so I began to be a huge drama queen and proceeded to cry. If I'm being completely honest, I don't even know why I was crying. I know the three things mentioned above were on my mind and then the waterworks started in. I don't know why or even how but the next thing I know I am in bed hugging gordon. Now Gordon is a teddy bear that I got from my ex on my first date ever. Gordon is also my ex's middle name, hence why I named the teddy bear that. [i'm SO clever right? right.]

So that happens, and then I get a text from my ex today and he said he was sorry he didn't reply but he had been up goofing around with his bf and when I texted they had just began cuddling on their way to sleep [or something along those lines, don't quote me]. What I got from that was I was being a dramatic drama cry baby queen and was clutching a gift from him while he was in a romantic embrace with his current boyfriend. I've never felt more stupid in my entire life. Nothing against him or his bf. They're honestly cute together, but I still felt dumb. I say it all the fucking time but I need to get my happy back. I know he wasn't the reason I was happy, but him being there was motivation to do things that lead to my happiness within myself. I wish I wouldn't have taken the break up as hard as I did because I believe the day we broke up was the day I stopped moving towards my happy. I let those events bring my life to a screeching halt and I haven't had the strength to get the wheels fully rolling ever since. Losing motivation is the worst.

I hate how I have the WORST writers block on my english paper [that i should be doing right now] but this shit is coming out like water. It's an evaluation essay, and she said that I could evaluate a specific moment in my life, maybe I should evaluate my first relationship lol [that peer review would be fun lol] [omfg I think I'm gonna do it. though she'll probably be sick of me talking about being gay lol my first essay was about the art of attraction vs the art of judgment and then I did an essay on what it really means to be a man. both of which had tons of homosexual themes. fuck it, I'm doing it lol.

I liked you better when you were single.

2011-03-29T23:36:00.003-04:00

Before I start this post I just gotta say that I don't mean this directly to anyone in particular. The title isn't something that i REALLY feel, I just found myself saying that about a few people while I was reading status updates on twitter recently lol. Also, I am going to sound like a completely bitter bitch, and maybe I am...but they're just words gathered together in a blog, they really have no weight. I promise.

So there's this girl I know, I wouldn't really call her a friend since we were never really close enough for that, who has recently got into a relationship and I can't stand it. I mean I don't really CARE because first of all she has a vagina so her relationship status doesn't affect me any way shape or form, but it's just the stuff she posts now is so annoying. Before she got into the relationship I really enjoyed her updates. Some of them were bitter bitch status, which I of course loved but aside from those she would update with really good stuff. Stuff I'd immediately find myself laughing at or liking, I just enjoyed what she posted. Then she gets into a relationship and it's likeshe turned into the exact person she talked about hating. It's not even like before she was bitching about something JUST because she couldn't have it. There's one thing to be happily with someone but it's another thing when you have to post every single aspect of your relationship online. The happy times are super super happy and the sad times are super super sad. It's like the bitch became bi-polar over night. Now I know relationships are a lot to deal with and the emotions are crazy, but I simply liked her better when she was single. Simple.

It also seems like a hand full of my somewhat close friends are just now finding guys. Which is annoying in the sense that I don't have a guy...but that's a different story for a different day lol. But it's like they spent so long crying and complaining that they were single and now they have a guy who likes them and wants to be with them and they're doing everything in their power to ruin it. They'll ignore him because they feel like he doesn't want to talk to them. Or they'll bitch and moan about every single insecurity they have which only makes them even more insecure which I can bet does nothing short of pushes the guy away. I've only been in one relationship, and if you ask the majority of the people who knew about it they'll call it a "relationship" which I guess means I have no experience what so ever, but when I was in the "relationship" i did all the stuff I'm talking about so I know how it is, but it just ANNOYS me. I think it annoys me because it's not just one person I'm dealing with. It's not just a good friend that I'm being the shoulder to cry on. I mean I AM in that situation but that doesn't annoy me. It just seems like it's way too many people doing the exact same thing and I'm on the other end just listening. Listen listen listen, that's all I do. It's no ones fault but myself, but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't get annoying...because it does.

And if you come to me with your relationship problems and you read this, don't feel like I'm putting this out there as a hint for you to stop coming to me. I don't mind at all. Honestly. It's not YOU that's annoying me, it's the situation that's annoying me. I love you all dearly, unless I don't...and if I don't love you, you definitely know it already lol

Once upon a dream.

2011-03-27T13:35:00.003-04:00

So last night I had one of the greatest dreams I've had in awhile. It's the kind of dream that was so amazing that once I woke up I became sad upon the realization that it was, and forever will be, just a dream.

The dream started off as another typical night out at the bar. Drinks were coming, and I was just having a good time. Then Tony showed up and we said or usual hello and he went on to say hi to anyone else he knew. The night progressed at it's normal pace until Tony came over and told me he wanted to talk to me alone. So we go out to his car and we're talking. It's normal "how have you been" talking until he changes the subject and starts telling me that he has feelings for me and that he can tell that I feel the same way. He says he never thought of himself as gay or bi but he also never felt the way he does when he's around me or even thinks about me. Then he says he doesn't know what will come of it, but he wants us to be together and I happily agree. This is where the dream skips great and goes straight to AMAZING. We don't kiss, make out, or have sex in his backseat like we would if this was a normal dream [trust me i have those all the time] but instead we get out of the car and go back into the bar, but before we get to the door he grabs my hand and we walk into the bar together, holding hands. Once we get inside I don't know if no one noticed the fact that we were holding hands or if they just didn't care, but no one said anything as we stood together talking. I don't know what we were talking about but whatever it was Tony enjoyed it because he was smiling and the next thing I knew, he kissed me. Right in the middle of the bar where pretty much everyone knows him, he kiss me. Though again, no one really said anything. Sure there was feedback but none of it was really negative.

Then some drunk guy came up and asked if he were together. I guess Tony knew him because they started talking for a minute. I guess the guy wasn't saying what Tony wanted to hear because you can see that he was starting to get mad. The next thing I know I'm hearing the drunk guy say the word "faggot" and all of a sudden he is knocked out on the floor because Tony knocked him out. [Then the bartender runs over and yells "We need a BUS!" like he was a cop or something lol Gotta love watching Law and Order SVU way too much that people in your dreams start using the lingo lol]

It was like no one seen Tony do it so we go back to talking and Tony kept apologizing to me for doing that to him but [in his words] "I will never let anyone talk bad about you, or us. It's just not something I'll accept."

That's the last thing from that night but the next thing I know it's the next day and everyone keeps asking me what happened the night before. It's like they seen the guy get knocked out but they didn't know why and some didn't even know who did it. Let's just say I highly enjoyed telling them that Tony and I were together and that the dude got knocked out by Tony because he was being disrespectful. While I'm standing there feeling completely happy about being with Tony I feel it start to happen, I begin to wake up. Then bam, I'm awake and Tony-less. Not only am I Tony-less but I'm sore from throwing up all day yesterday. So life kind of sucks right now, maybe I'll go back to sleep and have Tony come back to me.

BitchSlap..

2011-03-15T15:39:00.002-04:00

..myself into some sort of a routine.

That is what I'm going to do. I'm not fully sure WHAT kind of routine I will be forcing myself into...but it needs to be SOMETHING. I'm definitely giving myself a bed time. My sleep pattern is a MESS, and definitely needs some structure. I'm also gonna be setting strict homework hours. Procrastination is a disease...and I need the damn cure ! Hopefully I'll hear from this job opportunity REALLY soon so I will have set work and school hours.

I just need to start getting it together. I'll be 20 in June, and I need to get some things going for myself before I end up exactly like the people in my neighborhood that I DONT want to end up like.

Wish me luck!

xoxo

A little bummed.

2011-03-14T23:53:00.003-04:00

So I'm a little bummed at the moment, but I don't want to come here and whine and cry about the same stuff that I always do. So I'm just gonna...talk.

How have you guys been? I know I still "technically" have 65 followers...but how many of you guys do I really have left? 1 or 65..I appreciate each and every one of you. I also appreciate those of you who read my blog and don't follow. You guys still count too lol.

I'm the king of "I'm going to do this, that, and the third", but I think I need to finally get back on my grind. Physically I was was on such a good track, but I slipped off the wagon...and the rest is history. Food is my security blanket and I need to start dealing with my problems head on instead of trying to eat them away. It's pretty hard to get back into shape when you don't know the first thing about getting into shape. Back when I first lost a bunch of weight it all pretty much just fell off. I cut out soda and I stopped eating pork and it all pretty much fell off. I feel like since I gained a good amount back it will be even harder to get back on track. I don't buy my own food so eating "right" is kind of hard. I'm figuring I can cut down on my portion sizes again, try to force myself to only drink water, and give up pretty much all sweets and maybe I that will put me on the right path. I'm hoping the weather stays on the path to spring so I can start walking again. I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing right? I don't know, if anyone has some tips or advice on how to get on a healthy path...lay it on me. Again the email address is JCMays00@gmail.com [no one used it the last time, but who knows...maybe they will this time lol]

I'm getting sleepy, I think I'm gonna call it a night early tonight so I can wake up bright and early and clean my room. Good idea? Let's see if I go through with it.

xoxo

Ian Gallagher is my hero.

2011-03-14T18:11:00.007-04:00

It was only a matter of time before I wrote a post about my new FAVORITE show, SHAMELESS.

I talked about the main premise of the show in an earlier post, but now I want to talk about one of the characters on the show. Ian Gallagher. <3

Ian is one of the sons of the extreme alcoholic Frank Gallagher. Ian is the redheaded cutie who is my favorite on the show. Though I think my favorite is a tie between Ian and Lip (his older brother). Ian is gay and he has a lot of stuff going on in his life. The thing that makes me LOVE Ian is the fact that no matter what he has going on in his personal life, he still comes home and is apart of his family. He is there when they need him, and he isn't afraid to stand up for himself. [well he was for awhile but then he finally stood up for himself.]

At the beginning of the show Lip found a folder full of gay porn in the room that he shared with Ian. After confronting Ian about it, Lip actually turned out to be really cool with it. That's what I love about they Gallaghers, they stick together no matter what. Ian also works at a local corner store, and we come to find out that he is secretly hooking up with the store owner behind the store owner's wife's back. There's this local "hoodlum" named Mickey who terrorizes the store, often stealing whatever he wants. The store owners wive starts to get pissed off and begins to take it out on the store owner, Cash [i think that's his name]. There come a point where the wive decides to put a gun inside the store, only to have Mickey end up stealing it right from Cash's hands. Being Cash's secret boyfriend, Ian decides that enough is enough so he goes to Mickey's house to take matters into his own hands. He goes there with the intention of fighting until he had the gun in his possession, but after a short scuffle that landed them both on Mickey's bed together...they both realize that they want to do nothing more than have sex, so that's exactly what they do. Now not only is Ian involved with Cash ,the store owner, he is now involved with Mickey, the guy who gives Cash such a hard time.

Once Ian and Mickey are done having sex, Mickey decides to give Ian the gun back and Ian goes to take it back to the store. Once he gets there he is in for a surprise. You see, since the stealing from the store had gotten so bad Cash's wife had hooked up security cameras to look over the store. Both Ian and Cash weren't happy about the idea because it was inside of the store that they did all they're hooking up. They got the brilliant idea to adjust the camera's to where there was a small corner within the store that was just out of sight, and the proceeded to have sex. What they didn't know is that during all that fun, the camera that they tilted just so had fallen back into place on it's own. This left their whole little secret right there on tape for his wife to see. When Ian came into the store to return the gun he finds Cash's wife inside of the store confronting him about the sex on tape. To everyone's surprise his wife doesn't leave him, instead she demands that he get her pregnant again. Not only that, but until she was indeed pregnant he was not allowed to have sex with Ian. Some stuff goes down within the Gallagher household and Ian runs over to Mickey's house to see him, but Mickey is on the DL so he tells him he'll meet him at the store in 20 minutes. He gets to the store and Ian locks up and they head to the cooler to handle business. They're deep into it when Cash runs into the store to tell Ian the good news. His wife is finally pregnant, and he wants to celebrate. He searches the store and finds the two of them getting hot and heavy inside of his store. He flips and both Ian and Mickey stop what they're doing and Mickey runs out of the store. A few seconds pass and Mickey runs back into the store to try to scare Cash into not telling. Only...Cash is PISSED. Mickey grabs a snickers and gives cash a few warning words before stepping back. Cash then tells him to but the candy back but when Mickey refuses...Cash shoots him.

So now Ian is stuck between two "lovers". Cash obviously cares enough to shoot the guy he's "cheating" on him with, but Ian just isn't into Cash anymore. While Mickey is a rough and tough guy who doesn't seem to ever want to come out of the closet or even kiss him after they have sex. It's soo dysfunctional but there was this scene where they had just finished having sex and Ian goes to kiss him and Mickey says "Kiss me and I'll fucking cut your tongue out". It sounds pretty damn harsh, but that's what turns Ian on about Mickey.

The other funny thing is that Ian is pretty small, and Mickey is pretty tough...but Ian is the top and Mickey is the bottom. I may be absolutely weird for saying this but I absolutely LOVE that! Idk how old Mickey is [in real life] but I know Ian [his real name is Cameron] is 17, turns 18 in august...so I have a little bit of a wait to officially confess my love for him...and trust me I will lol :]

I know this post was extremely long and drawn out but class was cancelled today and I had absolutely nothing else to do, so hopefully SOMEONE out there enjoys this...if not, I still enjoyed typing it lol

xoxo

I got to go see DeRay!

2011-03-14T09:41:00.003-04:00

This picture was taken after the show. Meaning it was taken after I was OVERLY intoxicated so the fact that I captured such an amazing photo with such an amazing facial expression is even THAT much more amazing :] Gotta love this guy

So after all of the bitching and moaning I did on the last post, I actually got to go see DeRay Davis. The whole situation went as follows. I woke up friday morning pretty stoked to be going to see DeRay that night and my sister ended up saying "You can't go, I looked online to see if there were any more tickets and it said all the shows were 21+". At first I was just mad at her because she is ALWAYS the one to bring the bad news. Also, she wasn't going so of course she would be the one to crush my dreams of seeing him because she didn't have the money to go see him. [that was my though process] So I go online and look, and sure thing all the shows say 21+. By this point my other sister had already gotten both our tickets but I guess she didn't notice that the shows were 21+. I honestly had to look pretty hard to find where it said that, but it did and I was pissed. So I text my sister letting her know the bad news and she's pretty bummed too. You see, my sister Andrea and I are the cool kids. We have fun together and she doesn't really like going out without me because it's never as much as fun as it COULD be if I were there :] So she ends up calling the club to cancel our tickets and the owner asks why she wants to and she tells them my age and they tell her it's no problem. She said they took down her name and that I HAD to bring my ID, but when we got there my ID wasn't checked a single time. I understand why they try to urge you to be 21+ because I'm 19 and not only did I get into the place, but I ordered two drinks without anyone thinking twice about me. I'm not sure about alcohol prices where you guys live but I live in Ohio. Alcohol isn't the cheapest but I almost died when I seen on my bill that a Grey Goose and Red Bull [double] was $11.75. I could go to the bar around the way from my house and only pay $8 for the exact same thing and it'll taste WAY better than the drinks I had. The first drink I had was Grey Goose and Pineapple Juice. That one was pretty good, but only because I like Pineapple and that's pretty much ALL I could taste. I don't know about anyone else, but for me the mixer shouldn't overpower the liquor. I rather taste Grey Goose than Pineapple Juice or Red Bull if I'm paying $6[single]-$11[double] per drink.

But yeah, long story short I got to see DeRay, and he was alright. I know all that lead up and he wasn't AMAZINGLY funny. I think it's because I went to go see Mike Epps only about a few weeks ago and I LOVE him. He is funny as shit. DeRay had some good stuff but with Mike Epps, he was funny through and through. The only thing that I liked more about DeRay was fact that the venue was much smaller and therefore we were MUCH closer to him. He was about 10ft from our table. Also, his eyes. Who wouldn't love his eyes? I think DeRay is so damn sexy it doesn't make any sense. That's kind of the reason why I was so pissed that I thought I couldn't go see him lol

I am really enjoying my life right now. I never thought in a million years I'd be going to see people that are on tv while being drunk with my older sister and her friend. I know the 'people on tv' thing sounds like some small town farm kid talking. But I live in Toledo Ohio...not too many people stop here when they're on tour for ANYTHING lol Toledo isn't even like a stop-over city. When most famous people come here they have to fly to Detroit then drive down to Toledo because I think like the only place our Airport flies too and from is like Florida and Las Vegas or something lol So yeah, being in the presence of someone with even the smallest amount of celebrity makes me happy damnit. :]

21-

2011-03-11T12:37:00.003-05:00

I hate being on the opposite side of 21+ so much.

Not really because I can't drink because of it...because I drink, A LOT.

It's because there's stuff I can't do because I'm not 21. Like I was supposed to go see comedian DeRay Davis tonight with my sister and last minute we found out that the show is 21+. I have ZERO clue why the show is 21+ because it's not like a club or a bar or anything. It's a restaurant and comedy club connected. I could see if he was coming to like a random club or bar, but it's not. It's a comedy club.

I'm annoyed.

I'm gonna go get drunk somewhere tonight instead. It won't be as fun since I had my heart set on DeRay. I need to stop breaking my golden rule, never get your heart set on ANYTHING because in the end you'll just end up disappointed. #YupYup

xoxo

Fuck you.

2011-03-10T20:57:00.003-05:00

The title of this blog is pretty much how I currently feel.

I have a bunch of annoying situations floating in my head but I don't have the strength to write about them. Mostly because doing so would be a waste of time since they're not really that interesting or BIG, they're just small annoying things that have clumped together and put me in a "Fuck the world" type of mood.

To top it all off, I'm hungry. I was gonna go to Buffalo Wild Wings to eat and watch the basketball game...but due to a series of annoyingly annoying events...I'm at home, without chicken wings in my stomach.

Looks like I'm gonna have to go get some crappy fast food from down the street. I would go to wendy's but I HATE their new fries. That's a lie, I hate the salt they use on their new fries. Sea Salt sucks old sweaty man balls.

This post sucks, I promise to do better on the next one. Who knows I might post again once I get something in my stomach.

xoxo

You've done porn??

2011-03-10T01:01:00.002-05:00

So after digging and digging into the deepest parts of my brain for something to post about tonight, it has finally hit me. Partly from a new found buddy I was texting, and also from a good friends advice question along with the premier of the new season of the Real World that was on tonight.

So yeah, looking back, this topic was just sitting right on the table and I didn't even think to pick it up lol. For the good friend, no names will be named...so I hope it's all good to talk about?

Lets start with my who was seeking advice. For the sake of this blog post I will call him...Enzo [i love that name] and I will call his guy "Ian". So Enzo met Ian not too long ago and I'm not fully sure on where they're at in their relationship or even if it's a legit relationship yet. I do know that they both like each other and they have been out a few times together...and let's face it in the homo world that's all that really needs to happen for you to be 'together' lol jk jk. So recently Enzo was told by Ian that he is into "making movies" and that he even has a couple of them up on xtube. Of course, like any normal person on the planet, Enzo goes and checks them out and discovers that he's not alone in the videos and that it kind of bothers him that he's into making vids and that someone else is in the vids with him. [Side note, Ian and Enzo would be the cutest couple in the planet. I love those names lol ok back on track]

Then there's the real world. I should go google the kids name, but I'm being lazy tonight and you guys know how easily distracted I get so I will call him...Cute Country Guy. So on the Real World there's this Cute Country Guy who is on there and there's was this big like mystery about his past that he kept bringing up and finally they revealed that he used to be on fratpad. For those of you who don't know what frat pad is [shame on you, go to like xtube or xvideos and they always have tons of clips...smh at you non-porn watchers lol jk jk but seriously...go look], it's basically a house full of dudes doing all types of stuff from naked massages and circle jerks and all that homo-erotic [and down right homo] stuff. To me, I assumed all the guys on fratpad were just gay but they said they were straight for the fantasy aspect for the viewers. [Like BrokeStraightGuys] But from what Cute Country Guy says, he's straight. He's the type that is really romantic and into girls but he also admitted to the group that he has kissed a guy before. He followed that by saying that he's very comfortable in his own skin so it wasn't something that bothered him. The thing with him is that he doesn't know how to tell the group that he was on fratpad, and I can kind of understand where he's coming from. He really likes a girl that's in the house and telling her about his porn past could ruin things and could make the house see him differently.

These two situations are pretty different but I see the same thing within both of them. THE PAST. If I were in either situation I would force myself to look at the porn as something they did in the past. That's if the person came to me and I made it clear [if i wasn't into it] that I wouldn't participate or want him to participate in the porn anymore, and they accepted it. If that happened and it still bothered me I would then go into thinking of it as something of the past. Everyone has a sexual past, and the fact that they have video footage of some of their sexual encounters doesn't change the fact that it was in the past. With Cute Country Guy, I would be pissed if the girl got mad at him for doing fratpad. Only because he openly admitted to kissing a guy and being open in that way that it didn't bother him. I know to some people the fact that the guy they like has been with a dude is a turn off, but if a guy told me that he has made out with a girl before I would take that as he could potentially be bi. If the thought of him being bi or the thought of him once having sex with a girl was too much for me to handle I would step back. I wouldn't just be like oh he kissed a girl, i won't even think about the potential sex. I know it's less extreme with a gay guy having sex with a girl bc it's expected...but to some guys who fuck girls are a turn off.

So I guess my question is, if someone who you were seeing told you they once did porn [or made amature videos] would it bother you? With Enzo and Ian, would it bother you that it was something that he enjoyed doing even though you told him you weren't into it and he said ok?

With Cute Country Guy, would it bother you that he did it [and that it was gay stuff, or straight stuff for my homo's] even though he is 100% about it being something in his past and not something he still is trying to pursue?

My Mother Has a Facebook Account

2011-03-08T17:50:00.003-05:00

For awhile it seemed like every day I wake up to a new friend request from someone even more disturbing than the previous day.

-Weird Cousins I never talk to.

-Strange friends of the family I only speak to because I don't want to seem rude

-Aunts who are wayy out of the age range of facebook.

Then one morning I woke up with a friend request from Maria Gonzales. [fyi, that's my mothers name] Yep, my mother has a facebook account. I believe it was a Sunday morning which means I was pretty smashed from the night before. It also meant that I had over slept and was running late for my nieces basketball game. I did a quick once over of my phone before hopping out of bed to rush to get dressed and I seen a had a few missed texts and a few fb alerts. That's normal in the a.m. so I threw on some clothes and headed out with my sister to make it to the game somewhat on time. After settling in the passenger seat I began to check the messages and alerts in my phone and that's when I stumbled across the friend request that ended my life. I immediately denied the friend request and proceeded to block my own mother from my facebook account. Now I know it may seem a little extreme to block her, but my mother is nosey. Also I didn't want her to see that I didn't accept the request. She's borderline computer illiterate but she's learning [fml] so the whole being blocked thing isn't something she knows about and hopefully it'll stay that way. Though it doesn't help bc I have a lot of family on fb [who doesn't] and she's friends with all of them . She can't directly see what I post...but I'm sure she can hear about it.

I wish I didn't have to go to the extreme of banishing my mother from my facebook account but she can't seem to understand that I'm not a kid anymore. I often get drunk and post crazy status updates like many people my age and the last thing I need is her commenting on them. I have a cousin who posts the most outrageous shit on his fb and what's even worse is the comments under them from his mother telling him that he shouldn't be posting stuff like that on the internet. Not cool at all.

Since I'm on the subject of facebook I gotta admit that I hate people who take facebook SO seriously. I mean yeah facebook is a place where real people reconnect or connect for the first time and a lot of stuff you do on there everyone can see. I get it. I also understand that internet bullying is a serious thing and there have been many kids who have taken their lives over facebook. Though I personally believe that facebook is just...facebook. I could have a million and seven people laughing at me or yelling at me for something I posted on facebook and I honestly wouldn't give two shits because the shit that ends up on my facebook wall is just that...shit. I don't have the slightest filter in my brain when it comes to my status updates on facebook and I love it. I'll say whatever I want whenever I want. Though I have to say that I'm not like mean or disrespectful to other people, I'm just random. If I'm drunk and I have the "most amazing" thought while laying in bed while the entire room won't stop spinning...I'll post it to facebook. If I think my schools Chicken Burritos are the best thing that has ever happened in my life...I'll post it to facebook. If I have had a bad day and all I want to do is go have a few shots, even though I'm only 19...I'll post it to facebook. Why? Because ITS JUST FACEBOOK.

I know shit can get serious on there and people can get in trouble when they post off the wall illegal shit, but if facebook is used correctly (as in, as a means of ENTERTAINMENT) no one will get hurt.

...and that's just my opinion.

XoXo

MY LOVER !!

2011-03-07T21:46:00.003-05:00

So the love of my life has started a blog, and I think you all should go follow him.

He's pretty much the shit, so just do it

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee??

I'll be handing out free bj's for anyone who follows him lol jk jk

here's his link :]]

http://extremelyinbetween.blogspot.com/

Doo it? I'll love you forever

Random Blog #4645987463512

2011-03-07T01:59:00.002-05:00

I've gotten pretty good at these random posts.

I need to sit down and draw up some specific topics to post on because these random ones are not getting the job done. I am letting my "A.D.D." brain win...and that is NOT good lol.

So I had a pretty good time this weekend. It was my sisters birthday weekend so we went out to dinner and did some drinking. It turned out to be a really good night. Seen the guy i have the biggest crush ever. You all know him as Tony...which is his actual name lol I ended up giving him my number FINALLY. Though he probably will never call or text me, and if he does it'll just be to hang out and smoke..which I don't really do [smoke]. I have a couple times but I'm a drinker. Getting high just makes me quiet and paranoid...not my cup of tea.

I gave my number to another old friend the weekend before this past weekend. He definitely won't call me, but it felt good to be asked. I'm not sure what team he plays for but I'm not really attracted to him so it's irrelevant. He's a friend, that's all. :]

I recently [today] discovered a show called, i think, Shameless. It's about a family that is like lower class. They are mostly brothers and sisters with an alcoholic father and like all of them have odd jobs and barely any of them are old enough to work. I just watched the premier episode even though it started in like January or something like that. It looks like a really good show. One of the brothers is gay. The oldest sister is so strong and she has a guy who starts liking her. I'm excited to see where the show goes bc it looks like it could be something really good.

I love american eagle Low-Rise Trunks, I have like every pair. My favorite have to be my purple and black striped ones. Those underwear make me legit happy, which is sad. My happiness has dwindled to what underwear i have on lol I guess it's the little things that count :]

I should not be drinking McDonalds Sweet Tea at 2am...but I am. Because I do what the fuck I want to do. I guess I'm kind of like a bad ass ninja or something. Yupp.

I can't wait until spring hits so I can start walking. I started doing that last spring and I really liked it but I let people get the best of me so I quit. It's weird whenever I leave my house to just leave my house without a destination or a set plan...the people within my house assume I'm going to meet someone. I don't like being painted as a liar so when people kept thinking I was walking to someones house or something I just stopped doing it and stayed home. Now I'm a new person, I pretty much don't give a fuck anymore. Actually now I'll just leave the house to piss my mom off now. I'll like randomly go get McDonalds Sweet Tea at 1am and just let her mind wander until she has made up my complete future with whoever I supposedly went to go see in her head lol. Poor lady.

I'm beginning to hate my industrial. I just want it to stop annoying me and stop being so damn needy. Just sit in my fucking ear without shit building up on it within like couple hours time frame. They need to invent some type of spray that just makes it heal like the same day you get it done. Save me the fucking time and energy of worrying about it.

I'm getting sleepy, BUT I don't have class tomorrow so I can sleep all fuckin day if I want to, and I probably will. :]

I wonder who all still reads this blog. Not like I ever need an audience to blog, you all know that. I just know I had some really cool followers in the past and I wonder who all has kept up with my blog throughout my whole computer breakdown phase. Oh and fyi, my "i miss you" blog turned up ZERO replies/emails. So I guess I'm not missed lmao

I'm a couple weeks too late but i LOVED the "Alcohol Awareness Week" on glee ! Brittney as Ke$ha was AMAZING ! lol I loved it. I had been slacking on my glee and I watched it over my sisters house the week it was on...it's safe to say I'm into Glee again :]

Ok, I'm running out of steam, I think I'm gonna lay back and watch a movie. Sn: If you haven't seen the movie Frozen you definitely should watch it. I think it's a really good movie with a simple set up, but it's really good.

xoxo

I'm done slacking.

2011-03-03T18:03:00.001-05:00

I know posting to say that I'm going to start posting more is something that is OVERLY done on this blog, but this time it's a definite promise. Starting either tonight or Monday I am going to start posting DAILY for about a week. I'm going to be on spring break all week next week and I figure it's time to get back to myself. It's time to get back to the things that make me happy and the things that I enjoy doing. One of them is this blog right here. So you have my word that posting will become more common and less depressing and sad.

It's time to get my happy back !

xoxo

I miss you.

2011-02-22T01:40:00.003-05:00

I know the majority of my posts have been about missing my ex, but this one is a little different.

I definitely miss him, but I find myself saying/thinking "I Miss You" way more than normal. Not just when thinking about Dan, but when thinking about a ton of other people.

Back when myspace was what FaceBook is now, I believe I was at my happiest point on my life. Even before Dan came along I believe I was on the road to legitimate happiness. [yeah, when I got into a relationship a whole other batch of insecurities and problems showed their ugly heads but that's another story] I felt like I was on top of MY world. I had a number of great friends that I could come to and be my complete self without and worry. I had gotten over the whole "real" vs "internet" friend thing that had been drilled into my head. When I finally just let go of all the preconceived notions I had about making FRIENDS online...I found myself with a nice sized dose of happiness.

Even though I am still very close with one of my first "online" and GAY friends, my lover [NO not my BF, incest is gross and this guy is like my brother] Marc. He was one of the first gay guys I talked to online. [Well one of the first gay people I talked to online as MYSELF. I had about a yr or two of FAKE myspacing under my belt. I was a 6ft white guy named...Tyler I think. There was another one before that but I forgot his name lol haha I was so pathetic] I met Marc bc I thought he was his boyfriend, he had a picture of him and his ex-boyfriend like hugging or something as his default on the GYC [gay youth chat] he's white and his boyfriend at the time was latino...and coming from Ohio being a mixed kid I tended to not talk to attractive white guys online bc from experience with guys in my area...i feared rejection. So thinking he was his bf i messaged him and ended up falling in love with him. Not in the way that you think though. I love Marc, like I LOVE the kid so much, he's not even a friend to me anymore he's so much more. I bring him up because after meeting him I have met SO many great people online. Seth is another great guy who I am still in contact with [which you guys know bc I shout him out like every blog :] I cant help it, I loves my sethington. Check out his tumblr for amazingness I believe his link is lifeThruGlasses.tumblr.com if that's not it and I didn't come back to change it...don't punch me. I am an A.d.d. kid and I need to get these thoughts out right now and if I go check tumblr I will get lost over there for hours and never finish this post lol] Seth and Marc are my two pity husbands that I have lined up for when I find myself 30 years old, alone, in a basement with no one to love me. Though I'm sure they'll have found happy husbands my then...but a guy can dream can't he ?? lol

Anywhoo, I have a point I promise. I said all that up there to say that I have met SO many people online and it seems like one by one I lost contact with pretty much all of them. Jacob, he was a GREAT guy. The first time I talked to him we talked for hours and hours and he's one of the few people who even got me on the phone. We made a few bad choices and it messed up our friendship but I really miss him. Manny, another GREAT guy. Recently found him on FB but we still don't really talk that much anymore. Kirby, was pretty crazy times but I still really miss our friendship. Chris, talked to him for awhile last night and it made me miss him even more. When we first met he was another person I hit it off with and he got me on the phone. That's huge when I say that bc it's hard to get me on the phone bc I'm ridiculously shy. Then there's Alexis, I don't even know what happened with him. It's so crazy you're like talking to someone everyday and then it's like months and even a year later and you realize that you havent spoken with that person in SO long. Sozo, I remember having a bad day on twitter and snapping at him, I regret it but it's been way too long I doubt he even remembers me. Donick, I talk to him from time to time but I have the biggest crush on him so I like always miss him lol
If I went though the list of people that I wish I was still in contact with, this would be the longest blog in [my] history [of blogging].If you're reading this and we used to be friends and somehow we don't speak anymore...email me or look me up on facebook. My email is JCMays00@gmail.com and my fb link is http://www.facebook.com/Jimmy.Mays91

There are so many of you who I wish to talk to again but I don't know how to reach you anymore. With a lot of people deleting their Myspace accounts and me being TERRIBLE with first AND last names so finding them on fb is nearly impossible, it makes it hard to get back in touch with people. There are even people who I don't remember that I know I would love to talk to again because I can't remember everyone but I just remember meeting so many great people and now they're all gone. From going through SO many broken phones, losing numbers that way, to quitting the blogging and twitter scene for awhile, it's hard to leave the internet and come back because when you're gone for too long everything changes and a lot of people move right along with it.

If you're out there, I miss you. Let's be friends again?

I wonder how many people this blog will reach..

Ok I'm a liar.

2011-02-17T00:26:00.002-05:00

I guess I'm NOT gonna take a benadryl and fall asleep.
Instead I'm going to eat my feelings and blog...yeah, that's much healthier :]

(Now Eating: Warm Tortilla's with Peanut Butter #Yum)

So I guess I'll do another completely random post.
Lets start with the current paper I'm working on. Though I'm not technically working on it yet lol I'm still trying to decide what I want to do it on. It's an Analysis essay for my Comp class. I failed Comp I last semester and I have my old analysis essay [which was the ONLY paper I did in that class], and I'm deciding if I want to just reuse that one or start fresh with this new class. Though we already did and turned in an essay so the fresh start began two weeks ago. The reason why I haven't just slapped a new date and my new teachers name on it is because I went to see the Never Say Never [the Justin Bieber movie] last friday and I kind of want to do my paper on him. I want to analyze why he is so popular among adult audiences. There was a part in the movie where like a 24-26 year old woman was talking about how she loved him, but it wasn't in a weird sexual way. She had a legitimate love for his music, and looking around the theater there were a lot of adult couples watching a Justin Bieber movie while on a date. Then I went into class on monday and she let us know we were going to be starting the analysis essays and I couldn't get the Justin Bieber topic out of my mind.

Mostly because I LOVED the movie and I have been like obsessed with Justin Bieber since watching it. It's weird to say but after watching the movie I felt really proud of him. There was a scene where his dad was seeing him perform in concert for the first time and he was crying and it was the cutest thing ever. I also feel that sense of pride with Jaden Smith too. Seeing him perform at the Grammys and seeing Will and Jada in the audience cheering him on was really cute. The icing on the cake was seeing will mouth the words "That's My Baby!" at the end of his performance. Just perfect :]

[I love peanut butter]

I know it sounds bad, but I kind of want to get dressed and go to the bar for a little bit. I think it's more out of habit then out of NEED for alcohol. I have a cousin who i am really close too and she used to live right across the street from "our" bar and whenever she was bored she'd call me over and we'd always end up at the bar drinking $2 Bud Lights [when we were too broke for actual liquor lol] and listening to the music on the JukeBox. I remember one night the bar was SO dead that it was literally just me her and the Bartender until about 1am then a small rush finally came in. I have so many judgmental people in my family [and in my life] that I don't like saying that the bar became my home away from home in a way. Again not because of the alcohol, but because the sense of just being there and knowing the faces of the people who also always go there. A lot of people I went to elementary school with go there [since the elementary school is right down the street, I'm assuming, like myself, they haven't moved away from the neighborhood yet]. If I were talking about the library or a park or something like that, people wouldn't have a problem with it, but because it's a bar I automatically have a drinking problem.
I can openly admit that for awhile my cousin and I would find ourselves at the bar any and every day of the week, but I can also say that it wasn't something that I NEEDED. I just went to go. [as you can see] I can't go to bed early to save the life of me and what else is exciting to do after midnight than masturbate and go to a bar?
...NOTHING that is what.
Also Tony goes there and you guys already know about tony :]
He's actually the reason I REALLY started going there. I had went there a few times and actually didn't like it at all, but the night I seen him there for the first time and he hugged me...I had to come back for possibly more lol

So Dan [most of you know who dan is...if you don't, read more of my blog posts lol] told me about this iphone/iTouch/iPad app called Grindr. It's basically like A4A but it tells you exactly how far you are from the other guys. I guess he found it when he got his iphone and ended up meeting someone who he really hit it off with and that's when we broke up and they got together [i think in that order? lol jk jk] anywhoo he was really happy with that guy for awhile [god what was his name...it was something different but not DIFFERENT idk. it doesn't add to the story] and then they broke up and he found ANOTHER guy [his current bf] and now they're super happy together.
...shit, I so lost where I was going with this... Oh yeah, so I recently got an iTouch, and before I had gotten it I was talking to dan on FB and told him that he needed to give me his secret for finding good bf's [not that he needs a secret, he's hot as shit and a sweetheart but anywhoo] and he mentioned Grindr again. I kind of cringed at the sound of it bc I grew to hate that word after we broke up but he told me it really helped him find guys in his area. [which is like 2hrs north of me] So I figured I might have some luck and I decided to get an iTouch and try it out....Needless to say, Toledo has Failed me once again.
I said grindr is like a4a with distances before because that's exactly what it is for me. The majority of the guys who are on there are also on a4a and then there's the huge population of people without pics...like a4a in my area. So I have officially given up on finding a boyfriend, ever. And to make things even WORSE, the one guy who actually talks to me, and isn't old enough to be my dad, is YOUNG enough to be my kid brother ! He's a cute kid but he's 16. I know I'm only 19 and I shouldn't be acting all high and mighty because I used to talk to 19 year olds online when I was 16...but I just can't do it with him. He's a really nice kid but he takes it towards sex a lot and all I can think of are those To Catch A Predator shows. I don't wanna show up at some random house but naked with whipped cream covering my dick and nipples only to find chris hanson and a 21 year old 'actor' who looks likea 16 year old boy. No thanks.
Sigh, Ohio Ohio...what am I gonna do with you.

LEAVE YOUR ASS is what I NEED to do.

Ok, I'm feeling a little better, even though none of those things mentioned above are what I was sad about lol I think I'm gonna try to lull myself into a deep sleep.
Hope you all enjoy the post...if you ALL don't, I know at least my buddy Seth :]
<3 ya seth, hope VA is treating you well :]

xoxo

Sigh

2011-02-17T00:12:00.003-05:00

I need a hug.

But we all know how that goes, so I think I'll just take a benadryl and call it a night.
No class till 7, will probably sleep until then.

Nite

(new blog posts coming I've just been distracted)

$1,600

2011-02-07T12:11:00.002-05:00

to fix my teeth.

I
LOVE
MY
LIFE.

Will someone run me over with a bus? It doesn't even have to be a bus, any automobile will do. You can run me over with a bike as long as it does the job.
Gotta love being an unemployed college student with no insurance.

FUCK America.

Fuck my life.

2011-02-05T23:18:00.004-05:00

So I got entirely too drunk last night and now my two front teeth are chipped. Just when you think you cant feel any worse about yourself...BAM you trip over the cord to a small karaoke tv causing yourself to fall and causing the tv to land on your face. Then you're laying on the ground trying not to swallow the pieces of your teeth that have broken off into your mouth.
Now I have to wait until monday to even call a dentists office to schedule an appointment. Fucking great.

I hate myself.

I want what comes after falling in love.

2011-01-31T21:27:00.004-05:00

^Was watching Intervention and someone on there said it, and I love it^

I hate saying that I was never truly in love, because I was. When I've been mad or bitter I'll admit I declared that I had never been in love. I also say that "Love is for the birds". Those are both things I just say because I'm no longer loved, and at times I am bitter about that.

(Before all the people who care about me read this and decide to text me declaring their love...I know you all love me and I appreciate it lol You guys are the best haha I just mean I don't have a significant other who loves me.)

But I know how I felt when I was in love with someone, and I loved the things that happened [aside from that myspace message] after I realized I was in love with him. I have written quite a few posts about missing him, and I do, (I also promise that this isn't a boo-hoo cry baby post like the other ones lol) but I also miss "being in love". Being "comfortable" is often looked down upon within a relationship...and it's probably why I lost him to someone better lol, but that's what I loved about being with him. Yeah we weren't AROUND each other all the time, but even though text messages, I grew to become so comfortable with him. Just the regular day to day conversation about anything and everything was what I loved. Growing to be able to sense his feelings from what he texted me or being able to guess what he'd say before I even sent him a text. Just having that person that I know is there for me is what I really enjoyed.

Oh, I didn't warn you but this is another completely random post. So whatever is on my mind is what you guys get :]

I'm SO not ready for all this snow. I absolutely hate mother nature. She's a fuckin bitch. Harsh? I know...that's the point of me saying it.

I'm also really in love with Machine Gun Kelly, and it's not JUST because he's fuckin sexy. I mean it helps, but his music is really good. Just listening to his music puts his life and his struggles into perspective. He has had a rough time growing up and to see him make it through it and become what he is today is very inspirational. ...And those tattoos just make me want to drop to my knees and do dirty dirty things with my mouth. Then I'd turn around and let him do dirty dirty things with his....

moving on

lol

I'm hungry. I had BDubs the other day and I've been craving it even more ever since then. I also have been craving alcohol. Even though I drank my fair share last weekend...you can never have too much liquor. Well, you can...but I drink responsibly. So I guess I can say, you can never drink too often...if you drink every weekend. lol haha

I really want to go see Nicki in Columbus in March, I don't know though bc I don't like that she's not headlining her own tour. If Justin Bieber can do it...Nicki can damnit !

Ok. I'm cold. I'm going upstairs to my room. It's warm up there.

I've always wanted to blow someone with a tat in that spot

2011-01-28T10:25:00.003-05:00

[so fuxkin classy]

FYI, that's Machine Gun Kelly. He could get it... HARD.

My New Boyfriend

2011-01-28T00:39:00.003-05:00

lol I wish !

This is Machine Gun Kelly, a sexy white-boy wrapper who currently has my heart {i could say that about a lot of people but he has the spotlight for this post lol}

Fuck.

2011-01-28T00:26:00.002-05:00

I fucking miss you.
This is the safest public place to say it.
People might see it as a cry for your attention, and maybe subconsciously it is, but when I'm feeling something that I can't quite say to the person that it's intended for...I have to release it SOMEWHERE. Yelling into the wind is just like keeping it inside for me, so I blog.
It's getting really bad lately and I don't really know why. Looked through my wallet today and found something, didn't even know I still had it lol I guess you don't know until you look right?
\
God, I wanna be good with this. I REALLY DO. For awhile I actually thought I was, but I'm not. I will be, give me time. [like enough time hasn't already passed. gotta love being pathetic lol]

It's SO weird that I have to pour my feelings into a blog whenever I'm trying to do homework that's frustrating me lol Weird relation.

Ok, time to go pick up the book I threw across the room and use it to finish this homework.

<3

Sn: I've decided to get a tattoo really soon. Just a small heart, <3 to be exact. I don't know what made me seriously decide on getting it but I really want it on either my inner left or outer right wrist. I love Jessie J's tattoo on her wrist it's "Stand Up" and it has a heart below it. I've been thinking about going that route with it...but I think I'll just start with the heart. I'm also finally finally finally getting my industrial for SURE really soon. Last time I was all hyped up to get it and the place I went to got shut down, this time I'm prepared to spend whatever [not WHATEVER but we'll see lol] to get it done. I've also been wanting snake bites..it's a little extreme but I think I'll love them. I figure it's best to get them now that I don't have a job so I can give them time to heal so when I do find somewhere to work I'll be able to take them out while I'm at work or use those like clear silicone thingys that are supposed to make them less noticeable without worrying about them closing or getting infected or anything. We'll see about that. The heart and industrial are for sure things...the snake bites are just an idea floating around in my head that I really like the sound of. What do you guys think, should I get them or not? Feedback is always welcome.

A4A, I fuckin hate you.

2011-01-26T22:53:00.003-05:00

So I was just on A4A [the title is pretty extreme btw, I just live for the drama lmao jk jk ] and I stumbled across this page that said

"I hate these things but no fatties or oldies n be openminded cuz I'm odd lmao"

So basically you want someone who is open minded so there will be some sort of balance in the relationship? It's ok to be a fuckin weirdo but if you're fat or old THEN we have a problem? I guess being a chubby guy I might take offense to the "no fats no fems no old" thing a little more than someone who is none of those things. Many people argue that in order to want to be with someone you need to be physically attracted to them, and I totally agree. But don't get on a social networking site and claim that one of the things your looking for is friendship, and then go on and give your list of requirements. The kicker is this guy then turns it around and says...oh yeah and be open minded because I might not fit into your box of what's hot, but as long as YOU fit into MINE that's really all that matters right?

I'm just in a really crappy mood, and seeing that made me want to come here and vent a little...looking up at what I wrote I guess I should say it made me want to come here and vent a VERY little lmao.

Oh well...there's always tomorrow, but from my track record...it will suck just as much as today did.

I need a hug..

no takers?

Eh, story of my life. lmao

Keri Hilson - All The Boys

2011-01-24T13:23:00.001-05:00

I highly dislike Keri Hilson (she tries WAY to hard at times), but I love this song.

.

2011-01-24T02:40:00.000-05:00

My [straight] husband.

2011-01-23T20:30:00.003-05:00

So last night I went out and ended up seeing my husband. It has been so long since I've seen him and I was extremely happy when I walked in the door and he was there. His name is Tony and we have been friends since about 4th grade (i think). Back in those days I was the fat, socially awkward, quiet kid who didn't really have any friends..but tony was always nice to me. That's not why I fell in love with tony either. Tony is H.O.T. and he's a genuinely good guy. I don't really remember having a crush on him in elementary school but I always remember noticing him. Even in junior high/high school I never really LIKED him the way I do know. I just always admired how honest he was. He never apologizes for being who he is, and he is friendly and respectful to EVERYONE. He's a very simple guy, he likes to hunt, drink beer, and laugh. It's good that he likes to laugh, be cause his smile is amazing :] lol.

So lets get into when and why i fell in love with tony. It all started around the beginning of last summer. It was a random night at the bar with my sisters and their friend. I was still pretty new in the bar scene so I wasn't really comfortable there. Especially since I'm a minor, I tried to stay pretty low-key and out of view of the bar owner. (though when you start going there EVERY weekend, and even a few week nights every week, you get in pretty good with the bar owner :] Gotta love John lol) That was the first night I seen Tony in a LONGGGGGGG time. We weren't really that close in high school, then i transferred to online school and turned into a hermit for my senior year so I lost track of everyone. But that night he walked into the bar and walked past me, noticed who i was then came right over to say hi. He had on a white wife beater that was inside out and fit him like a fucking glove. It was a very nice sight. When he said hi I put my hand out for the usual handshake and he refused, he said "it's been way too long man, i need a hug". That hug was like an orgasm with our clothes on lol. That night he stood by me and talked to me most of the time. He offered to buy me "any thing I wanted" from the bar but like I said I was still a rookie and being 18 I didn't know that they wouldn't ask for my ID when I ordered something. Most of my drinking took place outside of the bar in the parking lot lol. From that night on I would see him every once in awhile and he would always make a point to come say hi to me and every once in awhile he would buy me a drink if I didn't bring any money out or he seen that the drink I had was running low. Then one night we were out and he came over and sat next to me. We were just talking and talking and eventually he told me that I was one of his good friends. He said that I'm like a little brother to him and he'll always have my back. I smoke black n milds and for awhile I didn't want my sisters to know so when I would go out I would walk to either the back or the front [wherever my sisters weren't at lol] and I would smoke. Tony also smokes so whenever he would have a mild he would look at me and nod to come with him and we'd go smoke away from my sisters and he'd stand in front of me and be my little look out. There was also a night where I was the DD and he wanted to buy me a drink bt I kept turning it down and he finally said "come on man, it's me. you gotta come have at least one drink with me" so we walked up to the front and he bought me a beer and kept look out so no one who I was driving with knew I was drinking lol. I know it seems bad to feed a designated driver alcohol but it's just the fact that he's always down to look out for me. He's always looking to help me out. Also the fact that he's so damn sexy doesn't hurt either lol.

Last night I seen him out again and it has been about a month or two since I've seen him. I didn't expect to go out, I'm currently completely broke but I was already drunk so going out to the bar a half hour before closing time was simply just to see who we could see, and luckily I seen him. When I walked in he was in deep conversation and his back was turned to me so I let him keep talking, I don't like interrupting. Then out of nowhere I feel someone pull me over to them (i was standing pretty much right across from him) and it was Tony. We said our hello's and of course he asked me what I was drinking and insisted on buying me something. I wanted more time with him (i was with just one of my sisters and I knew I'd eventually have to go back over to her so she wouldn't be alone lol) so I let him buy it and we were talking, then eventually i had to turn around and talk to my sister |sadface lol| Then my sister pulled out a mild and lit it, then went to go talk to someone she knew so I made sure to grab the mild and went back over to tony and asked if he wanted to hit it. Of course he did, and he made sure to buy me another beer. The highlight of my night was hearing him tell me he loved me. I know it was a friendship type love, but to hear someone you have a HUGE crush on use the word "love" in a sentence directed towards you is AMAZING lol.

He's just an amazing guy. He's perfect because he's NOT perfect and is very honest about that.

That's my favorite thing about him. <3

My least favorite...is the fact that he's straight

While I'd DEFINITELY want more, I'm completely happy to have him as friend :]

Good Morning.

2011-01-21T07:38:00.000-05:00

I just have to say...

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

Like seriously, I HATE it.

asdfjkl;

2011-01-20T22:47:00.002-05:00

I want to write out my feelings, but I don't know how to put them into words.
One second I know exactly what to say then the next second I take it back.'
I think it might be because I feel something but I don't WANT to feel it. I feel stupid for feeling it, and I don't want to admit I feel it..[or still feel it if i'm being technical]
I'm stuck between missing the past and being excited about the future. It's hard to know what steps you SHOULD take but having the steps you WANT to take silently screaming in the back of your head. I could say I just want to know for sure...but the message is pretty loud and clear. There are no questions I could ask that haven't already be answered.

..this post is going to be a complete mess because I'm avoiding the set-in-stone topic. I do that a lot...maybe that's the problem.

Idk.

I hate feeling like this because it makes me feel like I made absolutely no progress, when I really have. Maybe it's because of the progress that I feel this way. Hmm.

What to do when a possibility [even though i don't have a shot in hell] has the potential to ruin something definite?

I hate being left alone with my thoughts, but I need to release them somewhere so I can conquer this English homework before bed.

I might post again after the homework is done...but don't hold me to that !

<3

It's okay when it's done right.

2011-01-18T11:36:00.003-05:00

Does anyone watch the show Pretty Little Liars?
Before I get started let me clarify that I LOVE that show.

Now for those who watch the show the basis of the show is that there are 4 young girls who have a friend who mysteriously died and they're trying to find out who did it. It's not your typical "WhoDunIt" type of mystery, there's a little twist to it. The twist is that somehow they're getting anonymous text from someone named "a" (Their friend who died was named Alison). The texts are things only Alison would know and it seems like whoever "A" is, they're always watching.
Aside from the "A" situation, the 4 girls have their own separate problems...like most high school aged girls do. The one person I want to talk about is Aria. Aria's two main "problems" are that her parents are separated and that she is sleeping with her English Teacher. [Of course I'm going to talk about the English Teacher...separated parents *Boring* lol] In her defense she hooked up with the guy BEFORE she knew he was her English Teacher, AND he's not THAT old looking. At the beginning of the show she met a cute guy at a pub. They hit it off and it went from there. Then school starts and she walks into her English class and low and behold...the guy from the pub is standing in front of the class. This brings me to the title of this post.
While I love the show and I don't exactly dislike the teacher/student relationship in the show while I'M watching it...that's a show aimed for pre-teens/teens. I have a niece who's 12 who loves the show and they don't really paint Aria and Ezra's (Student and Teacher) relationship in a bad light. While it's not FULLY glamorized it's also not FULLY looked down on within the show. Of course there's the obligatory...we cant tell anyone because I'll lose my job. But then Ezra will say something like "While it always LOOKED wrong, it always FELT right", which can only spark the interest of some young love crazed teen. I know, you should monitor what you kids watch, if you raise them right they'll know right from wrong...all those lines used over and over, but at the end of the day if a show is aimed for a certain audience they need to make sure it's age appropriate.

Many might argue that they're just showing what happens in the real world. Yes teachers and students have relationships all the time...but why portray it on a show that mostly adolescents watch? I had NO problem with the movie The Reader in which someone older had a relationship with someone half her age. I had no problem with it because the movie is Rated R. I'm sure many teenagers have seen it or stumbled across it...but it's not AIMED towards them. The cast wasn't on the cover of EVERY J-14 magazine around the time it came out. It's not aired on ABC FAMILY. It goes back to what I said...It's okay when it's done right.

I think i like you, [and you, and you, and you]

2011-01-16T11:47:00.002-05:00

So the buddy Seth posted something and I really liked the idea and wanted to do it myself.

The basis of his post was a list of the many guys he crushes on, and I am the same exact way. Though most of my crushes have a name, I'm gonna make up nicknames like he did. Mine will be less awesome, but it's sunday and I want to post so deal with it lol :] {love ya buddy, buddy=seth}

If I were to make an anonymous list of my crushes, it would go a little something like this:

-Straight guy who I've known forever.

-Straight guy who smokes with my cousin and has the coolest phone ever.

-Sexy light skinned guy who sits behind me in my Math class this semester.

-Cute nerdy short kid with the hairy arms who sits in FRONT of me in my math class this semstser.

-Hot tall guy with the nice haircut who sits next to me in my Comp class.

-Sexy guy who reminded me of my ex, and who came into class high out of his mind everyday last semester.

-One of my professors last semester, even though he was going bald. Still sexy.

-Sexy guy with the sexy eyes who works drive thru at McDonalds in the 'good' part of my neighborhood.

-Sexy pepsi guy who stocks at walmart like every time I'm on there. Though almost ALL the pepsi stocker guys are hot...i guess that's a work requirement?

-Sexy Puerto Rican new student my sophomore year of high school. I was so sure he was a homo, I was wrong.

-The funny class clown from my freshman year of high school, :]

-The only sexy guy who I worked with at my first job. Thank GOD I worked there during the summer so I could see him take his sweat soaked shirt off at the end of our shift. :]

-Sexy guy who sat next to me at my nieces basketball game last night.

-Cute foreign guy who works at the carry out around the corner from my house.

-Brother of my cousins ex neighbor who doesn't know how to dance but looked ok so cute trying to hump the air in a sexy manner while we were all out drinking one night.

-Son[s] of the owner of the bar that I always go to.

-One of the coaches for my nieces elementary school football team.

-Cute overly happy guy who works at American Eagle.

-Cute black guy who works ate Aeropostale.

-Anyone who works at PacSun, I swear some places of employment have a 'sexy' requirement. I'm convinced.

-The guy who invented FB, yeah, he's hot.

-Cute guy who came to check my internet router a few months ago.

-The multiple walmart workers who make me melt whenever I walk down an aisle they're stocking.

-The guy who was taking the money for my nieces basketball game yesterday, your lip ring turned me on.

-Friend of my sister boyfriend, you needed a haircut, but still could get it.

-Sexy foreign guy who works at the gas station on the other side of town. Just ask...I'll do whatever you want.

-Cute nerdy guy I used to work with at taco bell. I was convinced that his "roommate" was really his boyfriend, I still am convinced. They'd be cute together.

-Cute nerdy guy I used to work with at taco bell's "Roommate" lmao

-Cute white guy who I hung out with while visiting my sister when she was in college. She had class so we hung out in his room playing video games and what not. I was like 13, but I still would have blown you...hard.

There are tons more but I think i'll stop there lol

The Bad Influence

2011-01-15T22:08:00.002-05:00

Mr Reliable.

2011-01-15T22:06:00.001-05:00

The New Lover.

2011-01-15T22:05:00.002-05:00

My Bestie. [silver]

2011-01-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

My First.

2011-01-15T22:03:00.000-05:00

The Dreaded Ex.

2011-01-15T22:02:00.001-05:00

My Ride or Dies.

2011-01-15T21:59:00.004-05:00

The One Night Stand.

2011-01-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

The Boyfriend.

2011-01-15T21:57:00.003-05:00

The Husband.

2011-01-15T21:57:00.002-05:00

One of my most fucked up dreams ever.

2011-01-13T13:50:00.002-05:00

Before I tell you the dream, I just gotta say that I blame A&E or whatever channel those "I should have been dead" shows are on.

So it starts out as me doing some traveling with a bunch of family members and friends. I'm not quite sure where we were [sn: I <3>

Now where was i..Oh yeah. I don't know where we were but it was some like third world country setting, but the weird thing was we were passing a house that looks like my sisters house. My sister has a pretty nice house so it stood out in the setting that it was in, it also looked empty so for some reason we decided to stop and look. We were walking around the date and everything seemed pretty calm and then we went inside the house and it was pretty nasty. Dead things, old food, just weirdddd stuff. Then we hear a couple cars pull up and people speaking some scary foreign language so we decide we better run out the back and get out of there. It didn't quite work that way. We end up running to a few of them who quickly try and capture us. So we run back into the house and at that time we hear a bunch of barking dogs, but we know they weren't in the house because we were just searching around in there.

Somehow we end back outside and the scene has totally changed. It's the creepiest weirdest thing you'd ever expect to see. There were tons of pitbulls who looked like they just finished dog fighting, some were still in the back yard doing. There was a guy who was sharing a plate of rotten pigs feet with a couple dogs. There were flies everywhere and these people all had huge knives and were screaming at us. They grab one of the people who were with me and immediately rip him open and start eating his flesh [i told you it was a fucked up dream]. The yard around the house becomes huge so getting back to our car becomes the biggest challenge of our lives. We're all scattering trying to make it there and to not be the next person who gets eaten. Somehow I make it to the car but I don't have the keys so i jump on top of it and start kicking whoever tries to reach for me. Someone else gets on the back, I don't recognize him but in the dream he was someone special since we hugged really tight. I ask if he has the keys and he says no, his sister had them. Then we look towards the first body that was eaten, his sister. We both have this look of hopelessness in our eyes and the crowd is getting bigger and bigger around the car. We both silently accept defeat and hug and kiss each other before we are swarmed. Then I woke up.

It was one of the most realistic feeling dreams in the world. I woke out scared out of my mind !

I've been having really weird dreams lately, does that mean something?? lol

I love this movie

2011-01-11T20:24:00.003-05:00

Today is Tuesday.

2011-01-11T19:00:00.004-05:00

Yep..it sure is.

I feel like a failure of a blogger because I can't think of anything to write on here anymore. So I am just going to sit here and type exactly what I'm thinking for a little while and whatever comes out is what you guys get.

Today we got a tonnn of snow, and I have officially decided that driving in the snow is NOT something I enjoy. In fact, I think I might HATE it.

I have also decided that mother nature is a fucking bitch. [harsh] It's crazy that just last week I was saying how weird it was that we hadn't been getting much snow, and !BAM! the week classes start back up we get a TON of snow. So much for a WINTER break.

Right now I'm watching Law and Order and the episode

and something that was said kind of got to me. The episode is about rape and in the situation both people were supposedly drunk but the blame is being put solely on the guy. They said something about if she was drunk then legally she can't consent to sex. I completely agree with that, but if a female can get wasted and do something she wouldn't normally do why should a guy be blamed if he is just as drunk? I'm talking about a situation where BOTH people are drunk and BOTH people [in the moment] want to have sex for whatever reason. Then the next day the girl gets upset or something and has the power to say that they were raped. Is that really fair? I know rape is a serious issue and we don't live in the perfect world where the situation mentioned above happens EVERY time, but what happens when it does? If the guy only had sex with her because he thought she was as into it as him is it ok to try to charge him with rape? It's just a random thought going through my head at the moment.

I know those type of laws are there to protect people, but what happens when those same laws are used in the wrong way and end up hurting someone who is completely innocent?

Am I the only one who thinks Seth Rogen is hot?

I'm kind of in love with two straight guys. Kyle and Tony. Well before I sound too weird, I don't actually LOVE them [maybe tony] but I just have a huge crush on Kyle. I believe I wrote a post about Tony, but Kyle is new. He's a friend of my cousin and I met him one night he was over my cousins house smoking with her. That was the first night I REALLY got high, and it was no fun driving home lol. But after that he came over there again and we were all drinking and I ended up requesting him on FB that night. Then the other night I came home DRUNK and he IM'D me on FB and I ended up giving him my number and we texted back and forth a little bit that night. So anyone who knows me knows that from that little bit of interaction...Kyle and I are now married and have children in my head haha.

That's all I got for you guys tonight, I'm gonna make it a routine to do the same thing tomorrow after class.

I've found my soulmate..

2011-01-09T21:31:00.002-05:00

..and his name is Jay Baruchel :]

1.1.11

2011-01-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

Like promised, I'm back :]

Who's excited?? Probably no one :[ lol Just kidding.

Honestly I have to make myself not care about anyone who reads whatever I post, just for a little bit. I need to get back into the mode of just blogging about whatever is on my mind at the moment because before I "gave up" blogging I got back to the point where I just wanted to post "good" stuff which got to be overwhelming. So my posts might be as random as they come for awhile, but I just need to sit here and type my heart out until blogging doesn't feel so "new" anymore...and that's when the good stuff will most likely be written lol.

So last night I went to my first New Years Eve party, seeing how this is the first year of me drinking, and had a GREAT time and a HORRIBLE time all wrapped into one.

*insert me going downstairs to do something that was supposed to last 10-30 minutes, which resulted in me staying down there for the rest of the day completely forgetting that i was upstairs blogging. then once I come back upstairs I pass out until not too long ago then I JUST now remember that I was blogging, and I'm glad it's not midnight yet bc I'd so have to change the title of this blog lol*

ok now where was I..

Oh yeah, New Years Eve, there was just a whole hell of a lot going on. We had a little party at my sisters house and by the end of the night around 12 people showed up [which doesn't seem like a lot now but at the time it felt like a lot of people were there]. I had fun, I won't deny that. But at the end of the night I just wanted to cry and go home for some reason. I just wanted to go home because there was two people who were passed out drunk, throwing up in places they shouldn't have. I just wanted to cry because the fact that my cousin who I've gotten SO close with these past 6 months is moving to Florida on the 8th JUST hit me. It was a crazy night, but I don't think I would change it if I was given the opportunity. Though one thing I WOULD change is that I would have Tony there, so I could have gotten the New Years Kiss of my dreams ! lol

So yeah, the blog is back, I hope you guys are excited about that. I'll be posting again tomorrow because this post lost it's awesomeness when I took a nap that lasted most of the day, leaving me 10 minutes to finish it before the date changed ! lol

Happy New Year to each and every one of you. I don't believe in "new year, new me" because that's a load of shit. But what I WILL say is "New Year, BETTER Me". Change is good when it's done right, remember that.

Making a Comeback

2010-12-26T13:48:00.002-05:00

So I know I've said this time and time again, but this time I am sticking to it.

1.1.11 is the rebirth of The Little Things Add Up.

I don't have a "new years resolution" [ because those never work ] but I do have a list of things that I am going to strive to achieve, and things that I am going to do differently, in the year 2011. Focusing more attention on my baby [my blog] is definitely one of them. So if anyone still pays attention to this [ aside from my Sethington lol ;) ] be on the look out for new posts from yours truly.

Until then, I hope you all are having a wonderful Holiday season :]

Don't hate me!

2010-11-17T19:06:00.002-05:00

Moved to TUMBLR !!

so here's the deal:

I'm not COMPLETELY giving up on this blog,

I just need a fresh start.

Something to spark my interest in blogging again

so...

I MADE A TUMBLR ACCOUNT!

graspingforreality.tumblr.com/

(^^Go there^^)

Any new posts from me will be there, hope you guys will follow me over there

I also have a new formspring,

come ask me stuff !!

(you can also ask me stuff on my tumblr)

(click there lol)

My new formspring is:

Formspring.me/JimmyMays

And Like I said, I am NOT giving up or deleting this blog

I'm just taking my brain and putting it into my Tumblr

: )

Jealousy. |Rant|

2010-10-19T20:32:00.003-04:00

One thing I can't stand about (some) of the people in my family is that some of them can be EXTREMELY jealous. Jealous to a point where it becomes EXTREMELY annoying. Lets take my two cousins for example. One is a guy and one is a girl. The guy...lets call him Nate...is someone I was really close with. I call him my brother and what not. About two years ago he got with this girl who ended up not liking me so me and Nate eventually fell out. There were a few months where he was so whipped he wouldn't even talk to me, but I'm someone who's will never beg someone to be my friend. If you won't want to talk to me or something I won't press the issue, it may make me seem like a heartless asshole, but n one is that important to me. So we went without talking to each other for awhile until we eventually started talking and hanging out again. At the beginning of this past summer we were pretty much inseparable (on the weekends.) During the week he worked a job where he worked 10 hour shifts 4 days straight, so it was expected that after work he would be passed out resting up for the next day. On the weekends we'd hang out. We started off by going to this bowling alley that has a bar inside of it, and at night they have a dj. Until one night (his birthday) he got wayy too drunk and threatened to shoot the bar up (he doesn't have a gun). So after that incident we stopped going there and started to go to this other bar that was closer to my house and easier to get into (lol). That became our usual hang out spot almost every weekend. Then he ended up getting fired from his job, which left him with TONS of free time that he began to spend over my house. Now I have NO problem with that at all, but he does this thing where he'll come over then talk about how bored he is. I tell him before he comes over that I'm not doing nothing and I don't really plan on doing anything, and I mean it (most of the time). So when he comes over and he gets bored, that's completely his fault so he knows what he's getting into. Then he like gets mad at me because he feels like I'm acting some type of way, like I don't want to hang out with him..when it's just me being myself. He doesn't realize that I'm not always in a hype party mode, and I'm also in school so sometimes I do have to be home and bored doing homework. He just doesn't get that.
Then there's Nate's sister...lets call her Brandy. Brandy and I were never that close, and growing up she lived in florida so we didn't really have a chance to become close. Though over the summer she started coming out to the bar with us (it's right across the street from her house). She's crazy and loud and funny, and likes to dance. She doesn't get drunk and start problems like her brother so eventually we became really close. Nate doesn't like this, he always makes little comments about how I like his sister more than I like him now, which isn't true. The other weekend Nate got stupid drunk (like always, no that's not fair. when he's cool he's cool but when he drinks too much then shit goes DOWN) and ended up having to get staples in his head. This kind of scared him straight so now he doesn't drink. He gets mad whenever he sees on my fb or whatever that I am out with his sister drinking. I know he feels left out but he doesn't realize that I haven't really isolated him from me, he has. I understand not wanting to drink or even go to the bar, but don't expect me to change what I enjoy doing on the weekends just to accommodate you. Even if I did do that,there wouldn't be much he likes to do. He thinks everything is boring. He doesn't like going to the movies, we don't have the same sense of style so going to the mall with him always ends up with him telling me how white I dress (he's white btw). We're just starting to grow in different ways and it's starting to become more clear. Its not that I love his sister more, or I like his sister more. It's just a lot easier to hang out with her because we're so much more alike. I see us falling out again, and I think it's gonna be ugly this time. I don't WANT to, but I see it happening. But oh well, I need to live for myself, not anyone else.

Asher Roth

2010-10-19T11:20:00.002-04:00

FCKH8

2010-10-18T10:58:00.002-04:00

When I seen this video I was automatically in love. I immediately put my shirt order in and now I have to do my part to spread the word .

I've Fallen Back In Love..

2010-10-15T13:32:00.003-04:00

When this song first came out I listened to it ALL the time, but somewhere along the line I forgot about it. Then yesterday I was going through some petty drama and this song popped in my head and I had to go download it IMMEDIATELY. I've been listening to it over and over since then. It has such a strong message and just makes you feel powerful. Kind of like Steph Jones' song CHAMPION. I LOVE that song too and I can't wait for it to be released somewhere.

So, here's the song that has my heart...I call it my anthem.

So I wanna be a zombie for halloween..

2010-10-11T16:55:00.003-04:00

It's been FOREVER since I've dressed up for Halloween I don't think I've dressed up since maybe the 6th grade, if not earlier. It's not that I'm not into Halloween, I love the Holiday. I love scary movies, haunted houses, and just feel of Halloween/fall in the air..I just never was one to go all out and dress up for Halloween. Whenever I would dress up I would be something simple and basic like a Kmart Vampire, or a crazy doctor made out of stuff my mom stole from work. (My mom never liked to spend insane amounts of money on something I'd use for one night and most likely rip lol)

But this year is different. This year I am going to attempt to be a zombie. A detailed, scary, awesome zombie. Though I'm not the richest man on the face of the earth so if anyone knows where I should start, let me know. I'm already on the hunt for really cool clothes to ruin, I'm thinking about going to the local thrift stores and yard sales to see if I can find anything good.

As for make-up...I'm stumped. I'll probably be doing my own make up so if anyone knows what type of make up and blood and stuff I should get let me know. I'm seeing a lot of tutorials on YouTube where people are using things like Elmer's glue and toilet paper, does this stuff hold up?

I'm going to a big Halloween party this year with my cousin and sisters so I am looking for all the help I can get. I want this to be good.

So if you know any tips or tricks, or know anyone who knows any tips or tricks PLEASE let me know. You can leave your advice in the comments, or contact me personally by email at JCMays00@gmail.com

thank you in advance

Survey

2010-10-10T23:03:00.003-04:00

1. What was the highlight of your week?
-Well it's sunday...the week just began. The highlight of LAST week was Friday. Seeing him, drinking wine. Fun stuff.

2. Whose car were you in last?
-My Cousins.

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
-Don't know...you tell me?

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
-White

5. How long is your hair?
-Short.

6. Are you good looking?
-I like to think so :]

7. Last movie you watched?
-hmm...I think it was...wow it's been awhile since I've watched a movie. I need to work on that asap.

8. Who were you with?
- ...

9. Last thing you ate?
-I'm eating a Banana right now.

10. Last thing you drank?
-Drinking an orange PowerADE right now

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
-that one time. we're friends now though. :]

12. Who came over last?
-The sister.

13. Are you happy right now?
-Honestly yes.

14. What did you say last?
-lol i really don't know. something insignificant.

15. Where is your phone?
-Right next to me.

16. What color are your eyes?
-Brown.

17. Are you left-handed?
-Sure am

18. Spell your name without vowels:
-Jmm(sometimes) y lol

19. Do you have any pets?
-Nope

20. Favorite Vacation?
-I've only been on vacation once. Orlando Florida

21. What do you dislike currently?
-Liars.

22. What are you listening to?
-Commercials on tv.

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
-Him :]

24. What is your favorite scent?
-Sean John's Unforgivable

25. Who makes you happiest?
-My Family

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
-Talking to a good friend on Aim, i think?

27. When is your birthday?
-6-18-1991

28. Who has the same phone as you?
-No one that I know.

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
-It's been awhile, summer's over.

30. Do you read your horoscope?
-not at all.

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
-Dollar General

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
-it's hard.gotta love Jam lol

33. Do you bite your nails?
-Sometimes.

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
-Nope.

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
-I said no bitch. lol

36. Myspace or facebook?
Both. More FB though.

37. How fast have you driven a car?
-80

38. Have you ever smoked?
-Yes

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
-Math :]

40. Do you have Verizon?
-Not anymre :[

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
-The wrong ones...story of my life. One day I'll find one who wants me back. lol

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
-Come into my bedroom daddy lmao jk jk

43. Favorite Song?
-Right now...I have a bunch but I guess I'll say Breaking Point by Keri Hilson (surprising because I hate her lol)

44. Do you like to sing at all?
-All the time, not very well though lol

45. Dream Job?
-I honestly don't know.

46. Where does most of your family live?
-Toledo, Ohio

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
-3 older sisters

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
-To a certain extent.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
-Damn I slept too much.

50. Do you drink?
-Some say I drink too much.

51. Know any other languages?
-VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY little Spanish

52. Ever write a coded message?
-Sure have

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
Nope

54. Do you have any children?
-6 of em, they call me Uncle lol

55. Did you take a nap today?
-Nope

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
-I don't really now anyone

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
-No

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
-No

59. Any Pet Peeves?
-Way too many. lol

60. Are you multitasking right now?
-If watching TV and eating is multitasking then I sure am !

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
-Sometimes lol

62. What is your least favorite chore?
-Laundry !

63. Last place you drove your car?
-Dollar General lol

64. Ever been out of the country?
-Nope

65. Where were you born?
-In a hospital..

66. Could you handle being in the military?
-Hell no, hot men, but I don't lik being yelled at.

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
-Now...$25/mo

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
-Honestly...him. Sucks. lol

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
-Friday night when I got home lol

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
-maybe 10-15

71. Are your toes always painted?
-I'm a man.

72. How many piercings do you have?
-Just my ears

73. What are you doing today?
-It's tonight.

74. Have you ever been gambling?
-nope. id never gamble. I rather buy drinks with my money if i'm gonna waste it lol

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
-..

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
-love em !

Accidentally deleted 77 and idr what it was. oops.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
-Phineas

79. Last thing you cooked?
-Steaks on the grill, today.

80. How's the weather?
-Weird. I hate the middle of season change

81. Do you e-mail?
-Sometimes.

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
-Dropped it in a toilet.

83. Last time you were sick?
-A few weeks ago

84. What states have you lived in?
-Just Ohio,.

85. Do you wish you could move?
-YES ! New York Baby !

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
-or not.

87. What is your dream car?
-One that's mine and no one else's

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
-That's my life at the moment. Damn you !

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
-Anywhere he is ? lol too much haha

90. Are you happy with your life?
-I actually am very happy with my life as the moment.

Breaking News

2010-10-10T20:08:00.002-04:00

So my best friend (and future husband) has started up his blog again.

I must do my part to spread he word about his amazing blog.

Anyone who reads this blog please take some time and check out his blog at

Life Thru Glasses.

Thank you in advance

10.10.10 | My life at the moment.

2010-10-10T12:57:00.003-04:00

So today is October, 10th, 2010...aka 10-10-10, and I figured I'd take some time to talk about my life at this point in time.
This past weekend was a pretty good balance of crazy and normal. Friday was supposed to be a chill night at my sisters house. We got some wine (a box lol) and bought some pizzas to pop in the oven and planned on playing cards and listen to music all night. Though that isn't exactly what happened. We did put the pizzas in the oven and open the box of wine...but after about a half dozen glasses the plans changed. By then our other sister had came over and she wanted to go out. She brought her sisters boyfriend who was already WASTED by the time she got to my sisters house. She ended up being an annoying drunk who made everyone uncomfortable so we quickly took her back home. After doing that we got to the bar and as soon as we got there there was a drunk girl outside trying to fight some dude. Crazy part is the girl was my friends sister and he was inside trying to see what was going on. We walked in and walked to the back to find some seats and order some drinks. Everything was chill until I seen my crush by our mutual friend (the guy who's sister was outside trippin) arguing with some guy. I figured a fight was going to happen so I went to order my drink before anything popped off. While I was ordering my drink (a shot of Grey Goose with a cup of Red Bull on the side does the body good) Tony (my husband in my head, aka the crush) came over to my shaking his head. He started telling me about the whole situation but I don't really remember the details because I was already drunk. He kept saying how bad he was shaking because he wanted to beat up the guy but he was just waiting on his friend to give him the okay to do it. We talked for awhile and he calmed down a bit so the fight never happened...which i'm happy about because I found out the next day that the guy he wanted to fight knows the owner of the bar.. and that would have been badd. (A whole post coming soon about my love for Tony.) After that my sister, cousin, and I went to Burger King and got the most amazing Buck Doubles known to man. Then I came home and fell asleep. I was soo drunk that night, its crazy what wine can do to a man lol.
Last night was the complete opposite, I stayed home and did absolutely nothing but talk to my buddy on AIM all night.
Now I'm just chilling on the couch watching Disney channel putting off writing this 5 page paper for my English class that's due next Tuesday. If you don't know yet I'm officially a College Boy. I go to the community college here in Toledo. I love it but I can't stand it at the same time. My Monday class sucks because my teacher is sick (cancer) so we always get this African sub who's accent is so thick that I just end up facebooking the whole two hours. Then my English class on Tuesday sucks because the teacher ALWAYS tries to incorporate group work into every thing we do. It gets to the point where I think he just wants us to stand up and sit my someone knew and do individual work and then read it together as a group in order to make himself feel better. Making your students do group work does NOT make you a good teacher #JustSayin. My other two classes are alright. One thing I love about college is that the students are there because they WANT to be there not because they HAVE to. So answering questions of having discussions aren't like pulling teeth. They just flow.

So yeah, that's pretty much were I am in life right now. Partying on the weekends and hitting the books during the week. How is everyone these days? It's been soo long I feel disconnected ! lol

Now if she was a man...

2010-10-01T12:27:00.002-04:00

After watching that, all I could think of was..."If she was a man, shit would have went down in a completely different way". If he tables turned or he got fed up and snapped, production would have been RIGHT there to help save her and put him in jail. People fail to realize that at the end of the day abuse is abuse no matter what gender the abuser is. I know MTV probably thought that since he is way bigger than her that she didn't hurt him so it was okay to air it on TV. They think they justify themselves by airing domestic violence help center help-lines on commercial break, but they are failing to help the couple suffering from domestic violence right in front of their cameras. People want to laugh or be in disbelief but that guy is stuck in an abusive relationship. He is just like any other female who is lost and confused and trapped with someone that does nothing but abuse them. It's not hard to see that he isn't the most attractive guy, and that she's a "Pretty" girl. If you watch the show, you know that any time they argue she will verbally abuse him about being fat or what not. It's sad to watch because he genuinely loves him and wants to try to make this relationship work, just like a female would in the same situation. I know double standards are out there but I refuse to just sit and deal with it.

What are your opinions on this video?

My guy has a fiance...?

2010-09-26T13:54:00.003-04:00

Before I start, let me clarify that I am in NO way a home wrecker....let's begin. lol

So yesterday I went to my nieces football game. They're cheerleaders and my sister volunteered to go help out with the bake sale the school was having, so I decided to tag along. It was a typical boring elementary school football game only the eye candy was on POINT. I'm not talking about the kids running around, I'm talking about their dads, older brothers, uncles, cousins that were there for moral support. I was just sitting back minding my own business watching the cuties walk past me when an old friend of mine came up to the bake sale table. At first I was like "he looks really familiar but I couldn't put a name to his ace so I left it at that. Then he noticed me and came over and said hi. That part was pretty normal, then we go to talking about our lives at this point in time, which was still kind of normal. He let me know that he was a dad now and that he had a fiance (who was standing right there and he then introduced her to me). Then out of nowhere he asks for my number (he ended up giving me his bc his phone was broken). Now I would have understood where he was coming from if we were old FRIENDS, but we were more like...old classmates? Like he's a cool guy and we talked from time to time in school but we were never like FRIENDS who like hang out outside of school or are really close so him wanting my number to hang out sometime was a little odd. I'm sure he means well and I'll probably give him a call because like I said he is a cool guy and I wouldn't mind making him a solid friend. It just got me thinking, would a guy really try to get at me with his girlfriend/fiance/wife standing RIGHT there? In the situation mentioned before he didn't really do anything on the surface to disrespect his girl, but if there's more to this situation how could he justify himself? I know DL men aren't known for their self respect or honesty...but what would make him think that I would want to be with him after he tried getting at me while the person he was in a "committed" relationship is basically IN the conversation with us?
I want to stress that I don't think the guy who I mentioned earlier REALLY was trying to pick me up with his fiance standing right there. My mind goes a mile a minute so that small situation quickly stemmed into a whole other situation inside of my brain. From what I remember he was a really sweet guy. He used to get in trouble a lot but that's because he just didn't like doing his work, but when I did talk to him he was always pretty nice. He's also damn sexy too, which helped take him wanting to hang out all the way over to him wanting to have sex with me lol

So what do you guys think, How would you react to a guy trying to get at you (in any way) when his girl is standing right next to him? Or have you been through an experience like that, and how did it play out?

soo...

2010-09-26T13:31:00.003-04:00

The update posts are turning into this stressful thing that I don't want to deal with now. They're feeling forced and when forced to do something I tend to shut down (ask my English professor lol) So I have a few topics that I actually WANT to write about so I'll post them and then come back to my update posts. :]

Change of plans

2010-09-20T12:20:00.007-04:00

I know I told you guys that I would be making a post about my summer but things have changed. When I sat down to write out the post I realized that my summer really just consisted of fun drunken nights that need their own time and space to be written about. If I were to write about everything with as much detail needed for each experience, the post would be way too long. I've decided that I would give each drunken night it's own post so you guys can read them one at a time instead of one big super huge post.

I will give you guys some hints as to what some of my nights consisted of

-Falling out of a van

-Cousin running half naked down an alley from imaginary cops

-Getting high..for the first time.

-Throwing up (from alcohol) for the first time

-The night of my Graduation Party

-Cousin getting drunk and punching holes in the wall

-and much more crazy stuff.

So yeah, I hope you guys aren't completely disappointed with me lol. I'll try to give you guys a few posts a day until I get you guys fully informed about my summer.

I'm Back !

2010-09-18T17:14:00.003-04:00

So I'm offically back and blogging !
I have a full update planned for anyone who is still following me, or who even remembers who I am lol. I'm working on a new look for the blog, and while I was gone the blog was attacked with spam comments that I'm working on cleaning up.
I have a bunch of stuff to do today so I probably won't get to the blog revival until tonight, but I promise that I'm back and here to stay (for awhile at least). I've really missed blogging and it feels really good to be back into business.

Gotta run for now but look forward to a full summer re-cap coming really soon. If you're my friend on FaceBook then you already have an idea of how my summer went, but I can gaurantee that I have more than enough info about my summer to make up for my absence.

Stay Tuned.

Goodbye :(

2010-03-31T11:41:00.002-04:00

...for now.

While I'm not FINISHEDDDDD with school, I am finished with school. lol Let me explain. I do the lessons and crap at my cousins house and at the end of every class there's an exam that I have to do at the lab. I've finished all the lessons in my final class of high school and now I just have to go take the exam, which I have to wait until after spring break since it just started.
So that means I no longer will be coming to my cousins to do school (among other online things lol) I know I should have posted more while I was coming here, but I was just really focused on school and I know you guys didn't want to hear about all the school work I was doing every time I came to post...bc really that's ALL that could fit in my brain at that time. Everything else was just taking up very much needed space so I temporarily threw out anything not school related lol

So like the title says. I am saying goodbye...for now. I'm hoping to get a new laptop as a grad present and be back in no time...but times are rough and even though my cousin said "we'll see" there's a chance I'll at least have to wait a few months for it...if I even get it from her. So I'm just gonna take a blogging break. I don't want you guys to expect me back at a certain time and then not come through(like i've been doing) so I'm going on hiatus until I'm up and running again. (either with a gifted laptop from my cousin or one that I buy myself {which will be even later bc I'll have to find a job and earn the money lol})
I think this will be a much needed break from the Internet though. I have built a pretty "big" life on the Internet from the age of like 15-16 until today. I don't regret meeting the people I met and doing the things Ive done online (not just the blog) but I think it's time to put the time and focus back on my "real life".
Job. College. Friends. Boyfriend?
I'm not PROMISING but I should have a lot of my life sorted out by the fall, so if I'm not back before then with a laptop I got as a gift, I should be in a position to by myself a laptop by the time I start college in the fall. So I'll be sure to fill you all in on my life and the events that take place while I'm gone.

Much love, and thank you all for the support (and ignore the spam comments. I'm working on deleting them all)

xoxo
-Jimmy

Hot Damnn

2010-03-15T13:22:00.000-04:00

Courage.

2010-03-15T13:12:00.002-04:00

Taylor Gets His Own Post :)

2010-02-23T11:16:00.002-05:00

Yayy he's legal now :)

Just a mix :)

2010-02-23T11:08:00.002-05:00

My life...currently.

2010-02-18T12:24:00.002-05:00

I'm not even going to apologize for not living up to my promise. I know I promised a short story, and I have a few almost finished short stories...but I don't like them enough to post them. It may be me just being too tough of a critic on my own writing, but idk I just have to tweak them a bit before I'm ready to show them. Also I haven't really been posting w/ the random stuff that much lately which I can't really apologize for either bc my life is super crazy at the moment. I can sort of blame it on my new phone (not really but I just want to talk about my new phone for a bit lol) I now have the Samsung Omnia II which I'm really enjoying. Though it doesn't come with a keyboard so I won't be doing that much mobile posting anymore, and as you guys know I didn't really do a lot of mobile posting when I had my HTC Touch Pro that had a keyboard. What I can REALLY blame is my schooling. I've been like up to my elbows with school work as of recently. I started this blog a little before I started doing online school so you guys have been there with me during the whole process. You've heard me bitch and moan on more than one occasion so I'm proud to let you guys know that the end is NEAR. I am down to TWO classes. One is like Earth and Space Science, and the other is the 2nd semester of applied math. Applied Math, to me, is like remedial math. It's their way of showing math is used in every day situations...which only shows that all you really need to know is like basic algebra at the MOST in order to survive a normal, non math teacher, life lol. I will be done with the math class by like the end of next week at the most...but thet Earth and Space science is gonna keep me captive for awhile. I SUCKKKK with any type of science so I'm giving myself until the end of March with that class. Only because I have to retain SOME of the info for the final at the end of the class. With the math there isn't no final so I really don't have to retain anything....and there's really nothing that I don't already know in that class so i'll fly through. So the end of march is when I'll be "graduating" so I'm pretty happy about that. :) Hopefully I'll get a new computer as a graduation gift so I can get back to blogging because I miss you guys!!!! lol

I have a Bad Girls Club "review" that I'm gonna do sometime soon, I might do it tomorrow but don't hold me to it. I'm only posting now because I got bored with school, if I don't get TOO consumed in school work tomorrow a BGC review will be posted so be on the look out for it :)

xoxo

Is it wrong to want the sterotype?

2010-01-29T11:24:00.002-05:00

So I was watching...wait for it...Jersey Shore (let the groans begin lol jk jk), and I got this idea from the cast member Vinny. You see, Vinny said something about wanting the "traditional" Italian girl that cooks, cleans, and does his laundry. When he said that I thought about all the people who probably look down on him for wanting his woman to fit the old fashioned "Stereotype". Then it made me think, "Does it make Vinny a bad guy to want the stereotype?"

I don't think it makes him a bad guy at all. I mean, stereotypes come from ACTUAL people right? The infamous sissy boy- fembot gay stereotype obviously came from people noticing some of the gay guys who are more feminine than the "average" male. The "butch" lesbian stereotype obviously came from people noticing that some lesbians could beat the ass of even the manliest of men. The stereotype of the Susie homemaker may be one of the most common of them all. For the longest the majority of females were the stay at home, clean the house, watch the children, take care of the family-type women. Many men have grown up with that type of mother so it's something some people a VERY accustomed to. It's said that you look for certain qualities of your parents in your significant others, and I understand that concept fully. I forget where I heard this but someone was telling fathers to make sure you are in their daughters lives and are showing good examples of what a good man is because whether they know it or not, most women look for their father in their mates. So if you have an abusive or absent father, it wouldn't be that surprising if you end up with an abusive significant other. Now I know not EVERYONE is the same and you may not have either parent and have ended up with a great significant other...good for you. I'm just saying that whether it plays a big role or not, many people look for what they know and are used to when they are looking for significant others.

I was thinking even more about the stereotype thing and I realized even MORE how people shouldn't be looked down on for liking something or looking for something that's stereotypical. I mean, I already established that most stereotypes are based on real types of people. So looking down on someone who likes the stereotypical "housewife" or the stereotypical "queen" (fem gay male) is in a way contributing to the negativity that those stereotypes already get. It's basically saying you're wrong for wanting someone that is already out there living their lives in a way that makes them happy but happens to fall under a "Stereotype". Whether Vinny liked the "housewife" type or not, there would still be women who WANT to be that housewife. A woman that enjoys cooking and cleaning and caring for her family. If gay men stopped wanting the "Straight Acting" or the "Fem" type of guys there will still be the gay guy who likes watching Sports and there will still be the gay guy who likes watching Sex and the City. Stereotypes are out there and will never go anywhere because everyday there is someone in the world fulfilling those stereotypes. Not because they're bad people, but because they happen to WANT to do things or to act in a way that people have deemed a stereotype.

You can't help but have an ideal significant other. I often say that I don't have a type, but if I sit down and think hard enough I can come up with my type. Some people just have a clearer idea of what they want in a mate...and is that wrong? Is it wrong for a straight guy to want a woman who enjoys being domestic? Is it wrong for woman to want a man who is the "provider" type? Is it wrong for a masculine gay man to want a more feminine gay man, and vice-versa? No it's not. I see nothing wrong with wanting the stereotype as long as you don't disrespect people who fall outside of your "box". Everyone is different and wants different things in life. I will NEVER see a world where everyone gets along, and EVERYONE loves each other. If a SUCCESSFUL relationship is expected to have arguments and disagreements and things of that nature...how are we expecting the world to be a happy place full of people who are completely open and happy and accepting of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I am a FIRM believer RESPECT and "Agree to disagree". As long as you respect who I am and we agree to disagree on an issue that we're debating and either of us can't seem to win...then I am 100% okay with that.

I'm rambling now, but I wanna hear from my readers more so answer this question. Do you look down on people who wants their significant other to be a certain stereotype? I'll use Vinny as an example. Vinny is Italian, comes from a traditional Italian home and hopes to one day find a woman who is the "homemaker" type like his mom. Now he goes out and has fun and dates and respects all types of people, but at the end of the day all he really wants is that "stereotype". What do you think?

For some reason, I really like this song lol

2010-01-25T11:07:00.002-05:00

My Opinion:| Jersey Shore Reunion

2010-01-23T12:25:00.000-05:00

(I first want to apologize for not posting yesterday, it turned out to be a busy day when I least expected it. Now I'm posting from my phone which I hate doing but I'll do it for you guys lol)

So I'm not to sure if my readers watchh Jersey Shore...but if you're a reader of mine then you already know I love me some Shore. Thursday was the last episode and the reunion...I'm sort of sad that they didnt stretch it out another week but oh well. I enjoyed the double dose of Jersey Shore :)
The last episode was surprisingly chill and I liked it. On reality shows they usually like to just explode with drama at the end...and I'll admit I like thT too, but I liked Jersey Shores last episode.

The reunion was really good even though it seemed really short. The whole time I kept asking "Why did they invite Angela, she was there for what...a week?" She just annoys me and I'm pretty sad that Mike smashed that...ew. Mike doesnt hVe the highest of standards...but Angela?? Just gross. She just irks my nerves to the very core and I want to repeatedly punch her in her face. I understand not wanting skanky girls in your hot tub (when really it wasnt hers cause her ass ended up not working thus...getting kicked out) but when a girl sets out to be a cock block to her guy friends, I lose respect for them. She knows if she was single at the Shore she would be just as pissed as the guys if she cock blocked every time she brought someone home, because looking at her bf...her type is DEFINITELY nothing you should be proud to bring home.

The cast was giving Mikey so much shit during the reunion I sorta felt bad for him. He IS an ass but he showed on the last episode that he CAN be a sweetheart, so I respect him...a little. But he was a good sport about it, and that's what I like. He KNOWS he's an asshole and can take being called out without getting defensive and mad and bitchy. I love that him and snooki have "smushed". I heard on like Chelsea Lately that they did admit to having sex but it wasnt until after the show ended. I dont find Mike or Snooki ugly so I dont see anything wrong with it. Snooki knows Mike's a man whore so she knew what type of guy she was "smushing" so more power to her.

The whole Ronnie and Sammi thing was the Main Attraction. The whole time you could see that Sam was pissed and nervous. You could just read it in her face. Then she had her little break down and walked off the set. Cried in the bathroom. Then tried to act like she was all good. She knew damn well she was in the wrong for the clip they were about to show. She knew she fucked up and was scared. The clip was basically her talking to Mike about giving the cop her number and talking about being single and what not. The kicker was they were whispering and TRYING to be secretive about having a friendship. The whole season sam talked about hating Mike when they were low-key friends, which was fucked up. Im with Ron 100%, Sam gave him so much shit and she would do him wrong all the time. She started one of the fights on the boardwalk. She got pissed when he pushed her to stop her from starting it. I'm sorry a PUSH is not hitting someone so I'm on Rons side. Also she would get pissed at him dancing in the club and even TALKING to ANY girls. I'm sorry if you have to be THAT paranoid about your relationship then you shouldnt be with him. My favorite like Ron said at the reunion was "I cut girls faster than a barber cuts hair so this is nothing" he went on to say something like "I got a long list of girls I cut, and she can easily be added to it". Ron can be like an asshole at times but I love it. When he's mad and pissed and says mean shit...I love it. lol

The only thing I really disliked was how far ppl were sitting. Like the cast seemed really far from the host. But they also seemed really far from each other. It's like they were spaced out on bleachers or something. The set was really weird. But I love me some shore and I hope they bring the same cast back for season 2.

I'm gonna try to post again today, probably tonight.. So be on the look out :)

xoxo

I promise

2010-01-21T15:10:00.003-05:00

I'm rushing to get home before my nieces get off the bus from school, but I'm just dropping in to say that there WILL be a new post (maybe two) for you guys tomorrow. It'll probably be one of the short stories i've been working on, and then just a random topic post.

I've just been crazy busy this week, but it's paid off. I've finished two of my online classes and am inching towards the end of a 3rd...so I know i'm no blogging like I said I would, but I'm putting in work at school and it's paying off.

I love you all who love me, and I promise you guys will get new posts tomorrow.

xoxo

(tried embedding this jersey shore vid but it wouldnt work and I'm REALLY in a rush so I can't try anymore lol sorries but here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG_xmnMg_sI)

Jersey Shore| You Hate it, I love it.

2010-01-08T12:38:00.003-05:00

If you follow me on twitter, or just know me personally, then you already know I LOVE the televison show Jersey Shore. I am completely and utterly addicted to the show and I don't care who knows about it. I have a very addictive personality so I believe the fact that the season premier was 2 hours long and the fact that MTV played the season premier NON STOP was a key factor in my addiction. Either way I love the show completely and utterly. I wouldn't call it a guilty pleasure of mine only because I don't feel guilty for watching it. I ENJOY watching it...it's not like The Hills where I record it and then watch it later when no ones around (lol just joking I'm not ashamed of liking the hills either haha). I don't care where I'm at, what I'm doing, who's watching what...if it's Thursday at 10 o'clock I AM watching Jersey Shore and YOU will get over it. Though last Thursday I had to watch it the next day while I suffered from a mild hang over lol

Onto WHY I love the show...lol like I really need to point out why I love it haha. I love it because it's THE SHIT, that's why I love it lol. But seriously I really like it because the people seem a bit more real than the people on the Real World. Like I don't feel like they play anything up for the camera and that how they are is how they are gonna be if you bump into them on the street. (That also goes for Mike...I feel like he was an arrogant concieted asshole BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER the show) I love how they bonded really quickly, which I guess is normal for the italian culture. I love that it's really laid back too. Like there's drama and fighting and arguing but it seems just laid back. They do things like eat dinner together IN the house, the show Mike do stuff like going to the laundry mat. They show them during their down time when they're like at the barbershop or walking down the boardwalk with their family. It just feels real to me. Like they would be doing the exact same shit if the show wasnt there. If they were just a bunch of regular strangers who rented a regular shore house for the summer, and I like that. I hate when reality TV isn't REAL. Like Keeping Up With The Kardashians, or (even though I love it) The Hills, those shows are fake as hell and staged as shit.

There's something I love about each and every member of the Jersey Shore:

Snookie:

This isn't really anything that SHE does exactly, but I love that NOBODY calls her Snookie. They seem to have unofficially changed her name to SNICKERS instead of Snookie, and I love it lol. Though I love her because she's just so cute and fun and seems like a really nice girl. I'll admit I thought she was gonna be a short stack of hot mess when the show first started but she's really proved me wrong and I'm glad.

Ronnie:

Ronnie is my dream hubby in every way possible. He's, as Sam said best, short and stumpy and it's so adorable. He's a shorter guy but he's really buffed up so he honestly does look sort of stumpy but it's okay because he's really cute. Aside from his cuteness his personality and morals are perfect. He's the perfect balance of "macho man" and "Sweetheart" all wrapped into one short tan package topped off with an adorable smile.

JWoww (I thnk her real name is jennifer or some shit):

She's a RIDE OR DIE type of bitch. What made me really love her is when she jumped up and tried beating that dudes ass when he punched Snookie in the face. That's a TRUE friend right there. She didn't even think it was just like reflex, it happened and you seen JWoww jumping up trying to reach over the dudes trying to beat his ass. I loved it, you can tell she's a true friend and means what she says. I'm happy she didn't hook up with Pauly, her boyfriend seems really nice.

Pauly D:

He's so 100% the typical Guido-kid. He has the blow-out the tan (They're all tan) and he's just what you think of when you think of the stereotypical Guido. I sorta dislike the fact that he's a man whore, but he's still a pretty cool person. Random fact for those of you who don't watch the show...Pauly has his dick pierced...not sure where exactly but there's some metal in his pants somewhere

Sammie
She's Ronnies girlfriend now so she's just cool by association lol I dislike how damn sensitive she's becoming, but when you're in love sometimes you turn in to a cry baby lol. But she's the one who first tried to keep Snookie from going home so she's cool in my book.

Vinny:
I had a crush from the start. He seems like he's very respectful and educated. Thought he's not like a nerdy corny lame dude. He knows how to go out and have a good time but he also knows how to keep his self respect and not go fuck everything with a pulse. He's also not the "Typical" guido. He doesn't go fake tan, or hit the gym like it's his job, but he's still a hot, fit, nice, cute italian mama's boy. I wouldn't have a problem bringing him home lol.

Then there's "The Situation"
Mike:
I have such a love and hate with Mike. Everyone I know doesn't like him, and most of the time I dislike him too but there's SOMETHING that keeps me liking hime for some reason. He's Cocky, Arrogant, Immature, Petty, Disrespectful, and just all the bad things a straight MAN is. But he's hot to me. I think it just might be the case of the "bad boy" attraction. Like he's everything I know is bad in a guy but somehow I still want it. He also losely resembles my ex (to me) so I can't completely hate the guy. Though for the record my ex doesn't act anything like Mike, so nobody things he's an asshole or anything. I will always have a spot for Mike in my "crush" heart. He was the first Shore-boy that I crushed on (after Vinny, Vinny had me at hello lol seriously) but he's losing ground with every episode hopefuly I don't hate him by the end of the season.

Well I just RUSHED this post out, I wanted to add pics but I Really don't have the time. I will come back and edit this tomorrow, I promise. Though I thought you guys deserved to hear from me :)

Love you all, and you'll hear from me soon.

xoxo

2010

2010-01-05T09:29:00.005-05:00

Let me start off by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of my followers and loyal readers. We have made it though another year on this place we call earth. If you believe in the Mayan Calender and things of that nature then we only have a roughly 2 years until the world ends...if you don't...then we have many years to live and grown and learn and all those positive things. I only mention the positives because that's what I'm bringing into this new year...POSITIVITY. All the negativity of 2009 can stay right back there in the past because there is no want or need for it here in 2010. I am on a road to change and the trip is going pretty smoothly as of right now. The road isn't short, and it isn't fully paved but I am determined to get there if it damn near kills me. Though I doubt it will be too hard since I am being very realistic this year. I'm not making New Years Resolutions to fully alter who I am, I am taking the needed steps to make me a better person. Yeah it won't be a cake walk, but it won't be like pulling teeth either.
I am working to become the person I know I can be, the person who is already inside of me that just needs some polishing and some fixing up. The person that was once loved by a great guy, and will hopefully regain his love and trust. If I don't, that's okay because I'm not bettering myself FOR anyone. I am doing it strictly for me. Getting him back would be a bonus side effect of my self improvement...but it's not WHY I've decided to start this self improvement. So if YOU're reading this, I'm not saying wait for me...I'd never say that, it's very selfish, but I am saying that when I get to where I need be I would like to try again if you're willing. Not putting a date, time, month on it but I just want to get that out there. I miss you like crazy you really became my best friend and it sucks not having you there to talk to, but the "Friendship until I'm ready" didn't work out in the past so I won't try it now. I love you, you know that and know that I'm trying hard to get where I need to be.

So now that all of that is out the way...how was everyones New Years Eve?? Get shit-faced wasted and make out with people you didn't even know?? I can say that I DIDN'T, but I had a great time. Ended up hanging out with my cousin. Was drinking tequila at the end of the night my shot count was like 6-7 and I don't drink that often so I was feeling very good. I got kicked out of a club for being too young :( but then I went to my cousins and OWNED at Wii Bowling. Woke up the next morning (at home) slightly nauseous but nothing too serious which I was happy for...tequila usually isn't a friend of mine lol
I hope everyone's new year is off to a great start, sorry this post is coming somewhat late...but remember I'm without a computer so cut me some slack? I will TRY to post at least once a week. I took today off of school to give the blog a new look (not finished) and a new post. I'm hoping to start writing my posts out on paper before I type them on here I think it'll be good to get to fully think out my posts sometimes to give the blog a more structured feel to it. Just don't EXPECT things from me, I will get things up when I can. I don't want to start promising things and not pulling through so I'll just say that I'll post when I can post and I hope you guys stick with me through this down time. I promise to NEVER abandon the blog, and I will NEVER go a whole month without posting. I can still mobile post but I don't like doing that because I can't add a picture to it, mobile posts will be for when I'm extremely in need of posting.

As always if you want to keep in touch with my daily occurrences follow my TWITTER, I tweet constantly so I hope to see you guys there. :)
I'm also on facebook and myspace and I'll get those links up in on the side when I get time, if you don't know them and are curious about them just go back a few posts and all my links should be there.

Thanks again for sticking with me, the support is more than appreciated :)

XOXO

*swoon*

Does one bad apple really spoil the whole bunch?

2009-12-27T12:03:00.000-05:00

I say YES, yes it does.

A few weeks ago my family and I went to this place called Heros. It's like a place that has a bunch of different moon bounces, and they also have craft stations and games. They also have a DJ. It was surprisingly a very nice environment for the kids. We had went to a similar place last year and it was a bad experience. The floor was just hard cold cement (everyone knows the kids have to take their shoes off to get in a moon bounce), it was absolutely freezing, there were no seats for the adults...just not a good experience. Though at heros I was very happy. It wasnt expensive at all, if you're ever in Rossford, Ohio and you have young kids...go to Hero's :)

Okay enough of me Plugging Hero's lol Let me get to my point lol

They had one big regular moon bounce where the kids would just jump around. It wasnt like an obstacle course or a slide...just a good old fashioned moon bounce. They made sure that one of their workers was inside of it at all times so the kids wouldnt get hurt. The staff was mostly women...well teenaged girls, but there was one guy worker...his name was Kyle. (I'm not a stalker I promise lol)It seemed his main station was the regular moon bounce. I never seen him working at any of the other things. When we first got there I noticed that he was having a really good time with the kids. He seemed to be really enjoying his job. It made me smile...and sort of form a crush on him lol (he was cute too but I'm not here to gush...i have a point I promise lol)
Towards the end of the night my mom, two sisters, and I were sitting right by the Moon Bounce and my niece was in there and so was Kyle (along with a bunch of other kids) My niece, Yahnah ended up befriending Kyle and she got him to pick her up and jump around with her. They both were having a great time. There was a point where they stopped jumping and were just talking back and fourth. I dont know what they were saying though I can guess. She was pointing to random stuff on the wall and what not and he was telling her what it does...and probably why its there since my niece is extremely nosey lol (She's 2)
The whole time my niece and Kyle were playing my sister, her mom, kept an eye on them. She was really weary of him holding her. At one point she even said she would be a lot more comfortable if it was a girl holding her. I understand exactly where she's coming from because honestly I was watching too. I had a feeling in my stomach where I was just hoping he was just a good guy who enjoys playing with kids. I didnt want him to be a weird child molester who was getting paid to get his rocks off. I WANTED to be on his team but I knew the world I lived in and that I couldnt trust a stranger.
It made me realize how sad of a world I lived in. A world where late high school-early college aged young men get looked at as child molesters before they get looked at as regular people. Where a guy who likes playing with kids is abnormal. Where male teachers and daycare providers are given the side eye at all times. It really makes me sad because I'm one of those men. I love kids. I joke about hating kids, but I was kind of jealous of Kyle. He had the perfect job. He gets paid to have fun, to basically be a big kid. I would love to have that job. Though I know with me I would get it double. I'm a male (the paranoid for a reason parents) and I'm black (the racist parents).

I'm not saying its sad on the parents because I understand. (not the racism part) I'm saying its sad because sick people have stolen our ability to fully trust our neighbors. It's sad because I KNOW we werent the only ones keeping an eye on Kyle. Its something he has to go through daily. We werent just blatantly staring at him, so it wasnt obvious. Though I can only imagine the extremely paranoid parents and what would happen if they seen kyle playing w/their child. I just felt bad for him because he really seemed like a good guy.

That's why I say YES one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch. Though in this case its MANY bad apples. Its sad though because I will continue assuming the worst about people. I am ALL about family and I will never risk my nieces just because someone seems like a good guy. Ill never disrespect anyone or go snatching them away from guys working at like Chuck E. Cheese...but I will always be right there, silently watching. I love them too much to do otherwise.

ASK ME ANYTHING!

2009-12-18T10:55:00.003-05:00

You can ask me whatever you want...and it'll be completely annonymous!
No matter how weird, random, crazy the question is I will try my best to answer :)

All you have to do is go here -> www.formspring.me/jcmays00
and ask me whatever you heart desires.

I really enjoy answering the questions, so come on :)
If you want to make me smile...you ask me stuff :)

I prefer the questions to be anonymous, it makes it more fun. But if you want to make a profile, or you have a profile already and you want to chose to make the question non-anonymous...that's okay too lol Just ask me stuff!

:)

Thanks in advance :)

Just a quick post.

2009-12-18T10:45:00.002-05:00

Okay if you follow me on TWITTER you know that my computer's hard drive crashed like sometime last week. I've been pretty stressed about it since I do my school online. Though I'm thankful to have an amazing sister and cousin who let me use their computers for my schooling. I hate having to leave the house to school...but I gotta get this shit done and over with so I gotta do what needs to be done in order to finish. Then I can worry about fixing the computer, or replacing it which is what I'm leaning towards.

So now I have A LOT more free time on my hands when I'm not at my sisters our cousins doing my school work. I obviously can't be there all day every day so I find myself bored quite often. It's times like this when I'm thankful to have a smart phone with unlimited Internet. Though there's only so much I can do on myspace, twitter, and bgc lol So this is where I need your help.
What are some good blogs out there for me to read? Now no disrespect to the "photo blogs" but if you give me a blog link...make sure it's not just pictures of hot guys and naked guys, and porn. I like all that stuff...but I want to do some reading. So if you know some cool and interesting bloggers, shoot their links my way :) Though what sucks about my phone is sometimes I can comment, and sometimes I can't so I may not always get to show blogs the love I want to. But yeah, if you know any good blogs/bloggers let me know so I can keep myself occupied. As of now I'm just re-reading Possible Side Effect by Augusten Burroughs until I pass out at night. Which is boring. Don't get me wrong...I love the book...but I already read it twice lol

So tell me, who's blog should I be following that I'm not already following???

:)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year if I don't put up a new post by then...which I'm sure I will since my last two Dream posts were posted from my phone...my posts will just be sorta pic-less for awhile :( I know...you guys hate me, but I can't help it lol.

Shameless Self Whoring:

Myspace: www.myspace.com/xwhateversaboutitx
Twitter: www.twitter.com/JCMays00
Email: JCMays@Gmail.com OR optimismisthekeytohappiness@yahoo.com
FormSpring www.Formspring.me/jcmays00

:)

My Boyfriend| The Starbucks Man :)

2009-12-15T17:48:00.000-05:00

This dream wasn't as intense as the last dream, but it was another stand-out dream for me. It took place at a mall. It wasn't a mall that I have ever been in before because there was a Starbucks in there. There's only one mall in my city...and there isnt a Starbucks inside. There's one across the street in the Barnes and Noble, and down the street inside of the Kroger grocery store...but not inside of the mall. Now enough with the useless info...and onto my dream.

I was in the mall shopping with people...idk who exactly I was shopping with though. Never once did I look to see who I was shopping with, but I know I wasnt alone. I got to the mall and decided I needed a large Caramel Frapp. no whipped cream, extra caramel sauce. So I walk over to the register and place my order. The I go stand over at the other end to wait for my drink and I see him..
He was the sexiest thing Ive ever seen in my life. He had the prettiest skin tone Ive ever seen. It was kind of like Dwight Howards skin tone...but 10x better. He had the clearest skin, and the whitest teeth ever. It was like in the movies when a cute guy comes into the scene and everything slows...and sexy music plays...yeah like that. I couldn't help but stare at him...thats when he looked up and smiled at me and kept making my drink.
He put my drink on the counter but there wasnt any straws so I asked him for one. He smiled and handed me a straw and when I went to grab it he pulled it away. He was smiling then he asked me what my name was. Stuttering, I told him. He then introduced himself, his name was Mason. What I liked the most about him was that he didnt have "swag" and I liked it. Not that he was corny...or that he acted "white" he just...was Mason. He spoke with correct grammar, he didnt try to run game or to use any pick up lines to get me interested. He asked me my name and introduced himself. He then asked me if I was going to be around the mall for a few hours. When I told him yes he got sort of giddy and said that I should come back by to see him before I left. I agreed, and went on my way to shop a little bit.
It seemed like the Starbucks was right in the middle of the mall because I constantly found myself smiling over at him throughout the day.
It was a couple hours later and I decided to come back to see him since I was done shopping. It was perfect timing because Mason was just clocking out for his lunch break. When he seen me walking over he came walking towards me, smiling. When we reached each other he grabbed my hand and suggest we go sit down and talk a little bit. While we were talking i found out a lot of stuff about him (though now I remember none of it lol though when I woke up from the dream I felt like I had gotten to know him SOOOO well.)
We were just talking and just vibing for awhile when I noticed we had moved to a couch in the middle of a sitting area and he was sitting with his head on my chest and my arm was around him. It just felt so comfortable and normal. Then he looked at his phone and said he had a few minutes to go punch back in or he'd get in trouble. He grabbed my phone and saved his number in my phone ( i specifically remember him saving it as Mason<3). Then he said I better call him later that night. I promised I would and then we stood up and started walking towards the Starbucks, hand-in-hand. When we reached Starbucks he turned to me and hugged me...then he whispered in my ear "I really want to get to know you better, no pressure, no rushing, just call me later if you feel the same". He looked at me and we both smiled and said our "ttyls" and I turned to walk away. I was walking out of the mall feeling like I was walking on air. When I got out the door I looked up into the sky...and that's when I woke up.

:)

My son? My nephew??

2009-12-14T15:50:00.002-05:00

Before I tell you guys the dream, I have to say that this dream felt 100% real. I felt every emotion that I went through In this dream. There wasn't anything that felt "weird" or out of place. It just felt like I was going though life, awake.

It started with me waking up one morning and feeling like I had a lot to do that day. I got up, got into the shower, and got dressed like any other normal day. The only thing is the house that I was in wasnt my current house. It wasnt a house Ive ever been in...but I was completely alone in this house. There werent any noises but the ones I was making while getting ready for the day. There wasn't a sense of "where am I?", I felt perfectly at home. I continue on with grabbing something to eat and making a few phone calls. Basically today was a family reunion, and I was calling my mom and sister asking them what time I should stop by to pick them up. I get the times and I continue on with getting ready. Just a few finishing touches then I go onto my porch. I start reading a book. I dont know what the book was but I felt a huge sense of excitement like I really was enjoying the book in front of me.
At this point there was a time shift and the sun was starting to go down. I'm in my car driving to pick up my mom, dad, and sister. Once I pick them all up my sister asks to stop at a gas station to grab a bag of ice, so I head towards one. We get there and I notice I need gas so I go to pull up to a pump and thats when I see them. A little girl standing next to a baby boy in a car seat in the middle of the parking lot. I stop the car and I walk over to them. At this point the little girl disappears. Not like I see her disappear but she's just not there anymore. I remember seeing her when I first looked but when I walked over to them it was just the boy. It didnt strike me as odd, I didnt even notice it because from the moment I seen the little boy I felt a strong connection with him. The first thought that came to my mind was that I was taking him with me. Not that I was kidnapping him, it was more of me saving him from any dangers he was facing being alone in that parking lot. So I put him in the car and pumped the gas and left the gas station.
Everyone was in aw with him. Nobody questioned why I would bring him with us. It just felt right to each and every one of us. We stopped at a department store and got stuff to last the night with us. Diapers, formula, a change of clothes...stuff like that. It all felt so normal and so real. Then we were off to the family reunion. Once we got there we pretty much split up to go talk to everyone but after awhile I found myself on a blanket playing with the baby. It was just me and him in our own world. I cant explain the feeling I felt at that moment. It was like I was so proud to have him there with me. But I was also extremely happy, and somewhat nervous for a reason that I couldnt explain. Along with a mixture of many other things. It was a feeling I've never felt before.
It felt like it was just me and him for hours and hours just staring into his eyes having him smile back at me. It was so peaceful and perfect...i could have sat there for the rest of my life.
It was night time and me and the baby had fell asleep outside together when my mom came to tell me it was time to go. I put the little guy in his car seat and we went to tell everyone goodbye. Aafter that we got in the car and I dropped everyone off and headed home. When I got to my house I got him out of the car seat and got him ready for bed. I changed his clothes, changed his diaper, and fed him until he was fast asleep. A few pats on his back and out came the burp I hadd been waiting for. Then I laid him in my bed and got on my computer. This part is a little weird now that I'm thinking back on it but it felt completely normal. I logged onto this site where I posted a note saying I found a baby boy. I attached a picture along with my phone number. After doing that I headed to bed myself.
When I woke up the next morning I got up and I had a missed call from a good friend of mine. So I call him back and I find out that he knows the babys parents and we arrange a time for them to pick him up. I spend the last moments just holding him until his parents show up. When his parents show up I get a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didnt understand why, but I just felt like things werent right. I gave him to his parents and they left.
I lived out a regular day occassionally thinking of him until the it was night time. Then I got a call from my friend, he told me to turn on the tv.
That's when I seen the breaking news about parents who got arrested for killing their baby. Then the pictures of the parents came on the screen...
I felt my stomach drop and I was Immediately in tears. I couldnt believe they did that. I couldnt understand why they did that. I felt the biggest loss and I didn't know what to do so I just stood there...sobbing.

Then I woke up, teary eyed, with a scared feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.

What makes this dream SO meaningful is my sister just lost a baby. It stopped growing at 5 weeks and we dont know why. We were hoping this time it would finally be the boy she always wanted, but we'll never know. I didnt put it together until the middle of the day, but when I finally did it was the weirdest feeling in the world. I never really had a dream with that much meaning to it before. And what made it so intense was that I could feel the feelings like I was actually experiencing the events that took place in my dream.

Some of my current music obsessions

2009-12-09T14:34:00.004-05:00

Trap or Die 2- Young Jeezy

Tore My Heart- Oona

Cocky and Confident- Juvenile

Heartbreak Warfare- John Mayer

Sex in Crazy Places- Gucci Mane Ft. Nicki Minaj, Trina, and Bobby Valentino

2009-12-09T13:20:00.001-05:00

this picture is, in my opinion, REALLY adorable :)
they're both hot asses,
who (in my head) are the biggest sweethearts around
:)

I Took A Shower With Jason Glover

2009-12-09T12:08:00.003-05:00

lol I couldn't make these dreams up if I try haha I love every one of Five Alive :)

So the dream starts off that I'm at the airport with a bunch of people. We're just talking and having a good time while we wait at the baggage claim to get our stuff. We're just having a good time like we're the bestest friends ever, though the weird thing was I couldn't really tell who the people were. I felt like there was something more about them but I couldn't figure it out so I just shook it off. Then we get to our hotel and we're all just in the room hanging out. The room had 3 beds in one room and there was a connecting room that had 2 beds. There were more people than beds so it's safe to say we all weren't staying in one room. We're just chillin' out on the room while some people were unpacking.
Then someone asks me where my suitcases are. That's when I fully remember that I didn't pick up my suitcases when we were at the baggage claim. We were talking and laughing so much that somehow I just forgot to grab it, and just walked away without it. So I'm flipping out and stressing over what I'm going to do. I call the airport and they say that the luggage is already on it's way back to where it came from and it'd be waiting to be picked up there. So I call my mom and ask her to go pick it up and then I ask her to mail it to me. Somehow magically she says sure and that it'll be there tomorrow morning. (I didn't ask why...it was a dream after all lol)
So then it switches to like a movie, you know when they show people like going out for the night or just like hanging out but you can't hear what they're saying, you can just see what their doing. It was like that. There were shots of us at some restaurant, out dancing, trying to cram into a cab (van). The whole time you can see at least one person laughing...though I still felt like there was more to the friends I was with...but I couldn't figure it out so I just shook it off. So we finally get back to the hotel, and it's just the 5 of us who's room it is, everyone else was in their rooms doing whatever. I was in the 3 bed room and it was me, another guy, and a girl who was sleeping in that room. Though at the time the girls were in the 2 bed room. So me and the guy decide we're gonna take a shower. We only decided to take it together because we both wanted to take a shower at the same time, and the shower in our bathroom had two shower heads so we were cool w/ it. The whole time we're taking a shower I never looked down at his penis. I had this feeling were I WANTED to, but I felt our friendship was so good that I didn't want to be weird about taking a shower w/ another guy. So we're just showering and talking and all of a sudden we get a knock on the door. (kind of a weird part) It was the manager of the hotel going door to door telling everyone that there was a mouse that had been spotted in one of the rooms, and to notify the front desk if we see anything. The guy who I was showering with is the one who went to the door, so when he gets back into the shower I make him agree not to tell the girls bcs it would only freak them out. I also said "it's just one night then we're gone" so I'm guessing I knew that we'd be going to a different hotel the next day lol So we agree and get out the shower. We're getting our pj's or whatever on and a SYTYCD commercial comes on and it's like spotlighting Jeanine and I go "She's amazing, I love her". And the girl that was staying in our room says "Aww, that's Jeanine" in a tone like she knew her. Then I go "Yeah she's such an inspirational person." That's when the other two girls come into the room and I see Jeanine. That's when it hits me. I look around the room and the people that I'm rooming with are Jason, Janette, Jeanine, and Caitlin. Then I have like a recap of the night and I see everyone that was really there, Kupono, Randi, Evan, Ade, Melissa, Kayla, Phillip and Brandon (along w/ my roomies). I start slowly freaking out when I realize who everyone is and I say "OMG you all were on SYTYCD". Then Janette looks at me like "duh you already knew that" and she says "Duh you dork" and everyone laughed. Then like a true sytycd addict I insist on watching season 5 episodes w/ them for the rest of the night :)

Pros&Cons | Beyonce&Rihanna

2009-12-07T23:55:00.002-05:00

There are things I love and hate about both Beyonce and Rihanna, but sometimes I feel somewhat apprehensive about stating some of the negative things about them. Well not really apprehensive I just don't feel like posting my thoughts and having to defend them from the COUNTLESS Bey and Riri stans that troll the internet. Though I feel my blog is a safe place, anyone who tries to try me will simply get deleted. Not saying I will delete anything that doesn't agree with what I say...I just will delete the comments that become disrespectful or anything like that.

Lets start off with Rihanna:
I'll be completely honest and say that I really like her new Album "Rated R". There are a lot of songs on that album that I can get into, my favorite HAS to be Rude Boy. I mean what gay man doesn't like a song talking about something being "big enough" and whether or not he can "get it up"...I'm just sayin lol (jk)
Though when it comes to Rihanna the things that I LOVE about her are mostly things that are done FOR her rather than BY her. Her style is fierce...and everyone knows she isn't the one picking out her clothes each day. I'm sure she has SOME input...but her team has their "look" that she has to follow.
Then there's her songs...which I am pretty sure she didn't have much to do with writing them. She just puts a popular face to them and they sell. Like I said, I love the CD but lets be honest rihanna isn't a good singer...she isn't even a good performer...she's like a model who's allowed to talk and stuff....well to me. I like seeing what Rihanna will wear next.
Like even in the Russian Roulette video it wasn't really about HER it was about the shell that has grown immensely around Rihanna. She is M I L K I N G this Chris Brown situation and I don't blame her. Chris was wrong for what he did, blah blah blah but this situation REALLY helped her sales. She has got a whole knew base of people that can relate to her and the meanings of some her her new songs.
Though I dislike that she is taking the role of like "role model" for young kids in domestic violence situations then she goes off and says some of the sexually charged things that she has been saying lately. I'm someone who really thinks celebs shouldn't be just assumed as role models or whatever, but when someone takes it upon themselves to take that role and they embrace it...then they have to live up to it. You can't be the voice for DV and then say things to the extent of "Having a big dick is important" (not a direct quote from her) If you want to be the voice for young girls...why would you go and say things like that? You want to show that love is deep and meaningful and what not, then you go and paint the picture that if he has a big dick then anything is okay. Now I know that's not how she meant it...but she has assumed a role model position meaning LITTLE GIRLS are looking up to her...she has to be more careful.

Rihanna is trying to take the bad girl role...and I would be all for that if she wasn't also trying to be the voice for DV. Trying to teach girls that domestic violence isn't right and that love is based on deeper things. She needs to pick a role...because a bad girl who is inspirational to young girls isn't a good thing.

Now on to Beyonce...
I know, beyonce is the queen of everything but she has flaws too. If she was absolutely perfect that would be just sad because she wouldn't be able to grow or get better...and even the biggest stan wants more great things from her.
She is beautiful, her voice is amazing...but even the most successful female singer has some things that annoy the hell out of me.
The number one thing being those non-concept having videos! I'm sorry but I can't stand one more blank backdrop from beyonce. Her body is the shit...but I can only see her shake it to a blank screen so many times. If beyonce would do more concepts I would L I V E for her videos. Saying that...she needs to do BEYONCE concepts and nobody else. Because she tried to do the abstract-gaga type thing with the Video Phone music video and failed, in my opinion. I'm sorry if we're talking about video phones and MEN why is the video full of guns and blank backdrops? And WHY did you get me excited with the into to the video...I love the way she walks up in the beginning w/ all those guys...that was hot. Then it just got all bright and weird and incohiesive all at the same time. Also Gaga wasn't that good on the track, I think Bey on Telephone was a WAY better collab. Video Phone isn't really a song for Gaga...they should have tried something else.
Though even though I don't like the video...do I hate Beyonce or Gaga...NO, see you can have a negative opinion about something and not absolutely hate them and everything they do.
Also I'm really torn about this new album of Beyonce's coming out next year...I think it may be too soon. We'll see what she brings...but I really think she needs to go have a kid and play housewife for awhile. Jay too, he needs to take her to some far away place where it's just them and eventually their baby where they can just be the perfectly rich family that they are. Beyonce and Jay Z would make the cutest baby alive. A lot of people don't see it but Jay is kind of sexy. Maybe it's the swag, maybe it's the money but Jay has some sex appeal. He also as some features that would make a very cute kid :)

Before I go I MUST emphasize that I DON'T hate Rihanna OR Beyonce. I like them both (and I LOVE Beyonce) .

Just letting stuff out.

2009-11-30T23:16:00.003-05:00

I have no direction or organized plan for this post, so whatever happens happens. I hope you guys enjoy. I felt like I just needed to have a blog session where I just let myself talk about whatever comes to mind. I don't know if this post is going to be short, or long as hell, it's whatever my heart lets it turn into.

There are a lot of times when I wish my readers weren't my friends. When I said I wasn't going to censor myself for the well being of others I meant that for the most part, but there are things that everyone has to keep to themselves from time to time. I wish my friends weren't my readers so I could freely talk about those things without them knowing who or what I'm talking about. I know I could write in like a Journal or just write and never post it, but sometimes I want feedback or advice on those type of things. Or sometimes I'm just pissed and I want to say whatever comes to my heart and put it out into the universe without hurting a friend. I know some may feel that if the person is a good friend then they should understand, but there are times when I have really bad days and people will piss me off badly. Not because they are bad people just because of the mood I'm in. Now I won't snap at them because that's not the person I am, but sometimes I just want to release those thoughts somewhere without having to feel bad. Without them ever finding out. That sounds a little like I'm a fake person, but that's not the case. I'm sure EVERYONE would enjoy having their own little safe haven where they could 100% freely talk and say whatever they want. Because no matter how "real" you are, there are some things that you chose not to say to keep people from getting hurt. I don't want a free pass to talk behind my friends backs, I just want a place where I can process my thoughts and have people weigh in on the things I share. Though those thoughts aren't SO bad to where I'm gonna start a completely new blog and keep it anonymous. I can get about 97% of my thoughts and feelings out onto this blog, it's just the few miscellaneous things that I can't quite share in the full detail that I want to.

Like there's a friend of mine who I have a huge crush on. I haven't known him long, and he lives pretty far from me so I don't really want to go to him and tell him about my crush. Since pretty much everyone who knows me online knows about my blog, I'm 100% sure he reads my posts. I don't want to just openly use his name, and talk about specific things about him that I like. Or specific moments that made me laugh. Or about how I don't even know if he wants to talk to me anymore. Because I don't want to be over reacting and have him read about me whining about not talking to him. It'd be easier to say, "Oh I really like Peter, he's a friend of mine. Peter is such a sweet guy, like last night we were talking on MSN and when I told him I was having a bad day he did everything in his power to keep me smiling. I really wish I could meet up with him one day, even if it's just to hang out." But I can't because I rather not make things awkward...that is, if he still wants to talk to me. (LOL @ Anyone who attempted to go through my friends and look for a "Peter", there's 1k+ friends on there, have fun. and if you find a peter, give me his link :) lol)

I am currently addicted to "Meet Me Halfway" by the Black Eyed Peas

"Can you meet me halfway,
Right at the borderline is where I'm gonna wait
For you.
I'll be lookin' out, Night and day
Put my heart to the limit,
and this is where I'll stay"

Love That song :)

There are many songs that I'm addicted to at the moment, like "Straight Lines" by Dawn Landes...I think that's what her name is. It's the song on the current Chrysler Town and Country commercial, my favorite line of that song is.

"I don't wanna say what's breaking my heart,
I don't know where to start"

...story of my life lol.

A friend of mine on twitter (@AllieDances) asked a question a few days ago, and I figured I'd ask it here to see if anyone could answer it. I don't know exactly how she worded it, so I'll just use my own words. Basically, what does it mean when someone seems to turn anything they really like into sort of an obsession. I'm the same way. Like I obsess over SYTYCD. I really like the show, but I think about it EVERY DAY. I think about past dances, future dances, what the dancers are doing. I follow a lot of the dancers on twitter. I've added a few of them to my facebook. When SYTYCD is on tv I tweet the WHOLE time.
Then with music, if I like a song I'll literally listen to it NONSTOP for like hours at a time. If I really like a song I'll listen to it enough in one day to know ALL the words.
I obsess over Grey's Anatomy, if I'm not home when it's on I'll get anxious. I'm always nervous that my DVR will mess up and not record it. I talk about the show all the time, and get into deep conversations with my friends about it.
Basically if I really like something I REALLY like it. More than most people do. I have to look up background stuff online. It's not like a TOTAL obsession, but it's a step further than just "really" liking it. Is that odd, or like does it mean something? Not that I want to change it, I'm just curious. I never really thought about it that way until Allie mentioned it in her tweet. (not about me, she was asking that question for herself)

I watched "Six Degrees of Separation" the other day, well I haven't finished it yet. I think it's a really good movie. Not just because Will Smith plays a gay man either. Though the reason I watched it was because of Will Smiths gay role. I never knew he played a gay man as his first role. I didn't know until my sister told me about a "documentary" type thing that my brother in law got from a friend. The main idea of the DVD was that, for a black man to become successful he must sacrifice his manhood. I haven't seen the DVD, but from the stuff she was telling me I could tell their theories had weak bases. Though I can just imagine how the movie is set up. It probably has ominous music playing in the background. A powerful, smart-sounding voice narrating the nonsense. All the makings of a "good" conspiracy theory dvd. All the things that small minded, ignorant people eat right up, and believe as 100% true without thinking twice. Though I haven't seen the WHOLE movie (six degrees..) from what I saw, Will Smiths homosexuality wasn't a BIG part of his role. It's not something that was constantly brought up. He was playing sort of an admirable character in my opinion. He was smart, his was eloquent, he wasn't really a criminal. (though I haven't seen how the movie ends so I'm just speaking from what I seen.) As for that DVD, my theory is...never believe anything you can buy in the parking lot of a supermarket in the HOOD. lol SMH

Okay, I've gotten distracted by youtube so I'm gonna call this post finished.

Hope you enjoyed :)

The Top 10 has been formed..

2009-11-29T15:58:00.004-05:00

...and I'm not exactly jumping for joy.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, the SYTYCD Top 10 has been formed. Last week actually, well on Wednesday. I'm not too happy about it because THREE of the people I wanted to make top 10 have already been cut. Those 3 people are Bianca Revels, Channing Cooke, and my FAVORITE person this season, Victor Smalley. Those three would have brought such a refreshing feel to the top 10. Especially Bianca's Tap Dancing. I've never experienced Tap Dancing LIVE before, I think that would have added such an amazing thing to the tour. Then there's Channing Cooke, for some reason I didn't connect with her the first few weeks, then she started growing on me. The week she stole my heart was the same week she was eliminated, which I still think is bullshit. I would speak on Victor, but he deserves his own special post which I'll be working on soon.

The top 10 are the people who go on tour, though they usually pick two extras to go on tour with them making it 12 dancers total. I'm hoping Victor is one of those people who get to go. I would love to have a shot at meeting him, that would be amazing!

The top 5 guys are:

Jakob Karr

Nathan Trasoras

Legacy

Ryan Di'Lello

Russel (I don't know his last name)

Jakob Karr is the winner of this season in my opinion. As much as I LOVE Victor, I'm also realistic. Jakob has A LOT going for him. He's a sensational dancer he could melt the heart of the toughest man in the room. He's also Jeanine's best friend, which gives him TONS of votes. Not saying he doesn't deserve them, but with Jeanine at his side he has a lot of the popular votes. I don't mind him being in the top 10 because I can't wait to experience his dancing live. I bet it's just beyond phenomenal.

Nathan is the young heart throb of the group. All the young girls love him, and he's a very good dancer too. He doesn't really do A LOT for me. I mean he's really good, and I always saw him in the top 10, but I don't "love him" the way I loved ALL of th e Five Alive male top 5 dancers.

Legacy is my 2nd favorite. Though I battle with him and Victor because they both have my heart. Legacy is so REAL and passionate about his dancing to the point where last week he was crying after he performed his piece. I love the passion and honesty he brings with his dancer. Not to mention he's a B-Boy who has been doing all types of d ances like he's been doing them for years. I love legacy. He's also an Extra in a show called The Fresh Beats Band, a friend of mind told me that lol.

Ryan Di'Lello...as far as I'm concerned, Ryan is taking up Victors spot in the top 10. I don't care what anyone says Ryan doesn't deserve to be there more than Victor. All Ryan brings to the show is Abs, awkward hair, and cheesy ballroom solo's that I absolutely HATE. Though I understand why they kept him, I'm not stupid. They kept him for two reasons, the first being that he bring ratings to the show. The older crowd, mainly middle aged ladies LOVE him. If they cut him from the show there's really no dancer that would cater to that audience. They also kept him so he could perform that (I forget the choreographer) contemporary piece, that I'll admit was AMAZING, on tour. The ratings reason came first because if all he brought was a tour-worthy dance he would have been gone last Wednesday. His wife is too pretty for him. (Yeah I'm bitter, so what)

Russel, he will be in the top 4. It will come down to him and Jakob for the guys. He's sort of like the under dog who has been SHINNING ever so brightly. He's a great dancer, and I am looking forward to meeting him on tour. (I'm smart now, this time I will be waiting after the show to meet them lol)

The Top 5 Girls are

Mollee Gray (I think that's her last name, I suck with names)

Noelle

Ashleigh Di'Lello (do the math)

Ellenore

Kathryn

Mollee is my favorite girl, She was Nathans partners when they had set partners. They were the young couple of the season. I love her so much, she's just a dorky fun person who knows how to stay young. She's an amazing dancer, her solo's are always flawless :)

Noelle, I always confuse her with Kathryn, even right now I can't remember which is which haha. If I'm right Noelle was Russell's partner. Either way I think she's an alright dancer, nothing really to phone home about.

Ashleigh has grown on my heart. I now love her. She didn't use to do much for me only because I would only focus on Jakob...and who can blame me that guy is a hottie! But I've started noticing that she's not just riding in his shadows like I thought she was. She holds her own and does an amazing job. I think it's that she's a ballroom dancer, ballroomers don't usually grab my heart right out of the gate, they have to grow on me.

Ellenore is just weird. Though she never caught my heart because I was always distracted by my dislike for Ryan. I'm glad the couples are picked out of a hat now so I can grow to love her because she really is an amazing dancer.

Kathryn, I believe this was Legacy's partner lol If I'm right I love her so much. She's a very good dancer, and she compliments Legacy very well. If you can't tell I usually bond with the male dancers more, I can't help it I just relate to them more. Not taking away from the talent that these girls have, I'm just saying my attention is slightly more to the male dancers. Though I love the girls!

I mean...

JEANINE MASON..

and
, JANETTE MANRARA...

need I say more?? lol

So that's my opinion on the top 10 thus far, stick around and lets see if Jakob wins like I predict.

I think the top 4 will be Jakob, Russel, Ashleigh, and Ellenore

Though my DREAM top 4 is Jakob, Legacy, Ellenore and Mollee

We'll see what happens.

Oh and I'm not voting anymore, I voted for Victor like 400+ times and he got cut...bullshit.

I love you victor!

^^That's Victor :D^^

Extra! Extra! Read all about my complete boredom!

2009-11-29T15:23:00.003-05:00

1. Are you wearing a hat? Nah I don't wear hats that often.

2. Bottled water: yes or no? Yes.

3. Do you have a crush on someone right now? ..you could call it that.

4. What kind of laptop do you have? The kind that's a desktop.

5. Do you prefer writing in pen or pencil? Pen.

6. Who was the last text message in your phone from? Dictionary.com lol (word of the day)

7. What’s your favorite season? It's a tie between spring and fall.

8. Does your best friend have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Not anymore :/

9. Do you like them? I didn't know him that well to judge.

10. Favorite radio station? 97.3

11. Type your name into Google. What’s the first link that pops up? http://www.chem.utk.edu/faculty/mays.html

12. What’s your favorite song at the moment? That's tough, my favorite song ALWAYS changes. I'd have to go with, Cinema Italiano by Kate Hudson

13. Coke or Pepsi? Sprite bitch.

14. Favorite subject in school? Math and English

15. Last concert? The Sytycd Tour, I count it a concert, there was music.

16. Next concert? SYTYCD Season 6 tour :)

17. Last magazine you bought? I haven't bought a magazine in YEARS, It was probably a XXL magazine, back when I used to buy them ALL the time.

18. Last book you read? New Moon

19. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Dogs

20. Is there someone you want to punch right now? Nah, not really

21. Favorite sports team? Idk, I'm not really INTO sports like that

22. State you most want to visit? NEW YORK

23. Are you a MySpace addict? Recovering, Twitter is my new addiction.

24. When do you shower? Morning and night

25. What’s your dream job? Somewhere I don't have to interact with customers, I hate customer service.

26. What kind of car do you drive? I don't have a car, yet.

27. What word in the dictionary best describes you? That reminds me, my niece got a dictionary from school and it had the word "Nigger" in the dictionary. The definition it had for it was "A black person". Now this dictionary wasn't old enough to where I would understand why it was in the dictionary that way, so I found it very inappropriate. That was my random thought for...the hour :)

28. What’s your blog address? haha you're already on my blog :) Welcome :D

29. Worst TV show at the moment? Anything having to do with competing for love, aka VH1

30. Are you a better talker or better listener? listener.

31. Do you care about who wins the election? What election?

32. Who was the most popular kid in your 7th grade class? IDK, probably Jasmine Mclendon

33. Are you afraid of ghosts? Nah

34. Is there something lacking in your life right now? lol..

35. What do you miss most about childhood? The whole being a child thing.

36. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? N/A

37. How many kids do you want? 2, twin boys.

38. Are you a good liar? Very

39. Can you cook? So-So

40. Are you a cheapskate? I can be, sometimes.

41. What would you do with a million dollars? haha I would live pretty for about a year because I have no money management skills lol

42. Have you been to Disney World?That's the one in Florida right? Yeah I've been there.

43. How much time do you spend online a week? haha you're funny lol

44. Last time you went bowling? It's been about a good year or so.

45. Hot or cold weather? in the middle :)

46. How many pairs of shoes do you have? like 5-7

47. Are you a shop-a-holic? Recovering (thanks to the recession)

48. Where were you yesterday morning at 10:30? On my way to the holiday Parade with my sister and nieces.

49. Are you afraid of the dentist? Yes, and No i'm not joking.

50. Were you bored or entertained by this survey? It was alright, I was eating while doing it so It was enjoyable :)

Smile..

2009-11-29T00:23:00.003-05:00

No matter what's wrong,
Know things will get better

No matter who's no longer in your life,
Know that there is always someone there to hug you until you feel better

No matter how bad things get,
Remember the good times.
Remember how it feels to be happy,
and remember that in time you can feel that way again

You can feel like the loneliest person in the world
but just know there's always at least one person on your side.

If I've ever called you my friend,
and you're feeling like you have absolutely no one
come to me, I'm always here for you.

If you forget everything else, just remember one thing..
Remember to SMILE.
Don't ever let anyone or anything make you lose your smile.

I love everyone who loves me..
..and no one else.

I'm Thankful For...

2009-11-26T10:47:00.002-05:00

As Thanksgiving rolls around this year, I find myself thankful for many things and people in my life. This year has been an amazing year for me, even though it hasn't been that "eventful" of a year. One main thing that I'm thankful for is my health, and the health of those around me. I am very thankful that the "3" curse that usually happens didn't happen. In my family when someone passes away, we usually lose 2 more people within 3 months after the first passing. Leaving the total of family members lost at "3". My uncle passed away awhile ago, and though I'm not saying I'm happy about that, but I'm happy we didn't have to lose any other family members.
I am also thankful to have such a supportive family, though I still haven't "come out" to everyone the ones who know are very supportive. The first person I told first, my sister, is the most supportive of the bunch. I know I can count on her for whatever, whenever. Though my mom never speaks on it I still love her. She could have kicked me out of the house and turned her back on me when she found out, but she didn't. She was just mad at the idea of porn being in her house, she wasn't too caught up on WHAT kind of porn lol. I have an amazing IMMEDIATE family who I love dearly. The distant ones, not so much, but I still love them.
The Internet is one thing I am forever thankful for. Without the Internet I wouldn't have meet some of the AMAZING people I have met. From my best friend Seth, to awesome blogger Brian at Sozoblog.com. There are SO many amazing people I met through the Internet. Alexis is an amazing person who idk how I'd live without. I just met Jacob not too long ago but I already consider him to be a friend who's back I'd have no matter what, he's amazing but doesn't like claiming that title lol. There's Eric who's like a gay mother to me lol I love him so much. There is SO many people that I want to personally mention but I don't have the time or the mental capacity to pull you all off the top of my head. If I didnt' mention you I am sorry, it doesn't mean I love you and appreciate you any less, I promise!
I am SO thankful for So You Think You Can Dance. Not only has it inspired me, it has brought me some awesome friends who understand my love for sytycd. @Alliedances, @jNel25, @NancyCheri , and @Aloh888 you all are amazing, and I am very thankful to have met you. I also have to say a HUGE THANK YOU to the Season Five Dancers on the show. Jeanine, Jeanette, Kayla, Melissa, Caitlyn, Randi, Jason, Brandon, Kupono, Evan, Phillip, and Ade...I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I wish you all the best now that the tour is over. Thank you for taking dance to a WHOLE new level for me :)
It's kind of weird but I am thankful for twitter. It has made talking with @'s and #'s SO common for everyone lol Twitter along with this blog keep me way less stressed and I am so thankful for it. There's nothing like hopping on twitter and spilling my thoughts, and then coming on here and spilling the LONG thoughts that don't fit into the 140 text limit set by twitter lol
Last but not least I am thankful for YOU, yes YOU. If you are reading this, I am thankful for you. This blog is on a level that I have never expected. I always talk about what my expectations were for this blog so I won't bore you with that. Just know EVERY reader out there is appreciated WAY more than you think. Everyone who comments also has a special place in my heart. I don't think I'd put so much into this blog if I didn't have you guys reading. It gives me reason to keep going. So thank you for pushing me to do better. I am so thankful for you guys.

I hope everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving with their families, and if you don't have a family to be with today, go out and treat yourself to something nice. Go see a movie, or something. Being alone on the holidays has to be tough, but just know that everyone is appreciated in some way, and just because you don't have a family now doesn't mean you won't form your own family in the future. There's always a bright side :)

So I'm curious, what are everyones Thanksgiving plans? Though some people get started w/Thanksgiving things EARLY in the day (I don't/didn't have to cook anything so I just chilled this week and today so that's why I have time to post this lol) so if you're reading this and it's AFTER Thanksgiving, what DID you do this year? Was it a good time? What was your favorite moment of the day? And lastly, what are YOU thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. :)

This time it was Jared (From New Moon)

2009-11-25T12:48:00.002-05:00

Since I'm sure not many of you know who I'm talking about, here is a video. His real name is Bronson Pelletier he's a yummy actor. I don't know his ethnic background, or how old he is. I'm hoping he's older than 16 or this dream would be awkward. So for the sake of my name, I am going to say he's 18. (and then pray that he really is 18 lol) Here's the video:

Cute Right?

Okay so onto the dream:
It started with us at the premier of New Moon, or maybe it was just a screening. It wasn't a HUGE event, but it was in a movie theater type setting. So we walk in, and we end up sitting in the same row as R.Patts, K.Stew, Kellan Lutz, Ashley Greene, and a bunch of other people from the movie. He introduces me to all of them, and we take our seats to start the movie. We're holding hands and he's like SUPER stoked to be there. He tells me that there was no better feeling than the feeling he was feeling right at that moment. To have his "guy" by his side watching the biggest accomplishment of his life. That SURELY deserved a kiss...so he got one. :)
So we're getting into the movie, but the scenery has changed. Instead of a big screening, we are at R.Patts house watching the movie. It's R.Patts&K.Stew, Taylor L&Taylor S, Ashley Greene&Her guy, and Bronson&I. Everyone is laid out, coupled up, having a good time. Everyone ends up losing focus in the movie and we're all just focusing on our other halves lol. Me and Bronson were the only ones watching the movie. He was like laying on the couch and and was sitting on the floor next to him like leaning back laying on him while he was rubbing my head. That's one thing that I really like, when people rub my head/ears while we're just chillin' out. Then out of nowhere he just stops, and I look up and he's just smiling at me for what I think is no reason. He tells me to get up on the couch with him so I do. Now I'm laying on the couch, and he's laying with his head on my chest. Now I'm the one playing with his hair and he's softly outlining random shapes on my hand while we watch the movie.
Then it was like all the actors from the movie were On-Call doctors because they all got a text and were jumping up putting jackets and shoes on like they'd just been paged to surgery. Bronson wasn't too happy about the text though. He told me it said that they had some last minute events to do in the UK and had to catch a Red Eye flight in an hour to make it there in time. He didn't know how long he'd be gone, and wished I could come along.
He said he had a question he wanted to ask me, and we went outside in private. He asked me if I would move in with with after he got done with all the New Moon events and stuff. I told him I'd think about it and when he came back home I'd let him know. With that simply answer he was back to the giddy/excited/proud guy he was at the premier, he kissed me and said he had to go grab a few things from in the house. I told him I'd be in in a minute. The door was glass so I could see him when he got into the house. He high fived Taylor Lautner and I assumed they all knew he wanted to ask me that. I smiled, stood up and went to join my new "family" while they got ready to leave. As soon as I touched the door to open it, I woke up and it was all gone.

Update: Bronson Pelletier is 23 and is Canadian.

Today is my Sunday :)

2009-11-23T20:41:00.002-05:00

My Family Doesn't Hug.

2009-11-19T22:40:00.003-05:00

I love my family with all my heart, I really do, I just wish we hugged more. My family is really weird when it comes to love and stuff like that. I don't remember the last time I told my mom I loved her. When I watch TV and stuff EVERYONE tells their parents they love them before they hang up, that's not my family. If I were to tell my mom I loved her randomly she would think I was dying. It would just build an awkward situation. My nieces of course are good with the love stuff and the hugs. But the older ones in the family aren't. I don't think I've hugged my sisters (outside of funerals) since I was like 7 years old....and I hate it.
My family isn't vocal about love. My dad beat my mom the whole time they were together before I was born, and after I was born they just argued ALL the time. My oldest sister has two kids by two different men, one of which she only knows his last name. She's in a relationship with a man who just bought a house with another woman. My youngest sister is in a relationship with a man who she knows is cheating on her, and she's recently befriended the girl she's being cheated on with. I LOVE my sisters, and my mother...but I don't want that love. A lot of times I COMPLETELY hate everything I am, and a lot of time I think I don't deserve anything good, but I don't want that kind of love. I want someone who makes me think better of myself, not worse. I want someone who will be GOOD for me. I'm not saying I want a man to validate me, but I want my significant other to be a positive influence in my life. I want him to be there for me to help me whenever I need him. If I'm still dealing with my self esteem issues when I find a guy I want him to be there to hold my hand and be by my side as I go through it all. I want someone who is good for me, and with the pattern of what my family has...I'm afraid to fall in love. I'm afraid I'll end up loving a man who doesn't love me but I'll be to stubborn or too blinded by love to let go.
I'm afraid, and lost and I don't have anyone to go to and talk about love with. I don't have anyone to hug me and tell me stories of their past because my family buries their past. My family doesn't hug and I'm left to deal with my problems on my own...because that's what my family does.

You know, whenever I'm sad and crying and in need of a hug I think of my youngest niece. No, I NEED my youngest niece during times like that because even though she's 2 and knows absolutely nothing about my problems, she's hug me and I'll feel like everything is okay at that moment. I love my family, but my youngest niece is one of the very few people who make me feel like I'm not alone, like I'm understood.

My family doesn't hug...

Russian Roulette (Ft. Jesse Willams :D)

2009-11-15T11:49:00.002-05:00

I made it easy on my readers even though I know most of you have probably already seen it by now. Here's the Russian Roulette video, I don't have to point out who I'm trying to spotlight in this video, he shines all by himself. Yeah it's Rihanna's music video but that's not why we're here, we're showcasing my future husband. It's funny that him and Xem Van Adams were in a film group or something back in college, I guess all light skinned guys with light eyes travel together haha jk jk

Here's Mr. Willams, though I call him My Dr. Avery :)

Untitled from bk maarten on Vimeo.

...*Swoon* (again)

This Sunday

2009-11-15T11:40:00.003-05:00

...things are gonna be a little different. Well first this post is actually being posted on Sunday which is very surprising for the both of us lol. Though the main difference is instead of a picture of a guy with nice eyes, I'll be posting a video of a guy with nice eyes. His name is Jesse Williams, but on Grey's Anatomy he's Dr. Jackson Avery. He's also in Rihanna's Russian Roulette video looking so damn sexy. Here's a video highlighting him and Christina Yang's "romance" on the show. They'd be cute together, but I think I like Christina and Owen together for now. I want Jesse to be the token gay guy on the show, though they have their lesbians so I don't think we'll get a gay couple too :/ lol Oh well I'll still dream of him and Korev secretly hooking up because that would just be a dream come true. Here's the video:

...*Swoon*

Jeanine Mason's brother is my new boyfriend :)

2009-11-14T10:21:00.003-05:00

...until I wake up in the morning haha.

So last night I had one of the most amazing dreams of my life. It involved A LOT of people, I probably won't even remember now since I kept putting this blog off. Well not really, I just woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. So the dream isn't as FRESH as it would have been if I just woke up and hopped on here. The MAIN character was Romulo Villaverde, and my true sytycd watchers will know who he is...I'll wait and let you guys try to guess...
Still got nothing? Well he auditioned with Janette Manrara for season 4&5. I don't think he made it to Vegas the 1st audition, but he 2nd one he did. He didn't make it any further than Vegas though. If you want to see what he looks like, here's a vid.

Obviously he's the guy dancing with Janette, who was also in my dream. In my dream, her and Romulo were BEST friends. Romulo was also Jeanine's older brother (in my dream, I know it isn't true but it was a dream so don't sue me lol).
The dream started out with me winning some kind of contest where I got to finish the rest of the tour with the top 12. So basically I got to hang out with everyone and go to the rest of the shows with them. Needless to say I was STOKED, and was on a plane to (honestly I don't know where ANY of this dream took place...state-wise), so I got there and we were having tons of fun. The kind of weird thing is that (in my dream) I had the MOST fun with Ade. We just seemed to click and we became like good friends.
I'm not sure if the dream was over a day or a week or idk because I never went to sleep but the scenes would switch like it was a movie.
Eventually we were all at Jeanine's house (which in my dream was the most amazing house I've ever seen.) (and yes my sytycd #5alive followers, I know that they already visited Jeanine's hometown) So anyways, we were having a great time at Jeanine's house. Me, Ade, Jeanine, Janette, Jason, and Caitlyn were outside playing basketball when Jeanine's "brother" and his friends came home. When I noticed Jeanine's "brother" was Romulo Villaverde I went into a tiny school girl panic lol. He came over to the court and Jeanine introduced him to me. Just like clockwork Ade, Jeanine, Jason, Janette, and Caitlyn all had to go inside for something leaving me and Romulo alone. (It's a dream stop laughing at me haha)
So we were just shooting around, basically just having a conversation having a good time. Then somehow we end up on a bench facing some sort of body of water just talking. That's when he puts his arm around me and we just sit there in silence. I don't know what HE was thinking (most likely nothing since he was made up in my brain) but I know I was freaking out inside of my head, but also enjoying every minute of it. After awhile Jeanine comes out side to tell us that dinner was ready. She also awed and said we were a cute couple. From that moment on it was just assumed by everyone that we were together. He even went to the rest of the shows with us. Though I never did more than hold his hand, or lay on the bus with him in my arms, me in his.
Then before I knew it, it was the last night I was spending with everyone. They had a HUGE finale party and we had the best time. I even got to dance with Jason, after Janette warned me that I better not steal her man (in a joking way haha) It was just the best night possible. There were tons of "cameos" in my dream. Like Jakob Karr was there, of course since he's Jeanine's best friend. Then Nappy-Tabs was there, I got to meet and talk to them. Benji was there, being awesome as always. Twitch was there. I got to meet Sabra, who was a sweetheart. There were so many people, it was a party so I was just looking around and noticing the familiar faces in the crowd.
Then it was the after party, which was very chill with not that many people, and took place at Janette's new place. (If you follow her on twitter you'd know that she recently got a place in Cali lol) It was mostly couples. We were all just hugged up talking. They were reminiscing about their time on sytycd, and their favorite tour memories. One story that I remember them talking about was the Bear Story, when they spilled wine on the bear. (If you follow Jeanine on twitter you will know what I'm talking about lol...i really need a hobby lol)
So the party was ending and me and Romulo went outside to sit out by this fire pit to talk. We were gonna try to make things work as a LD thing until I could come stay with him. Though my flight was the next day, and he had a flight in a few hours to NY for something. So we were spending our last time together until after his NY thing then he would come see me. (Yes it's a detailed dream, it felt SO real) We were just talking and cuddling until the last possible minute when his friend came outside to get him bc their car was there and they had to get to the airport. We said our goodbyes and hugged, then we went to kiss and when our lips touched...I woke up.

I was semi-pissed that I didn't get to actually kiss him in my dream, but the dream was so long and so detailed that I didn't mind lol. It felt like I was really in a relationship with Romulo Villaverde for a night...or a couple nights...idk lol.

So I just revealed how extreme my addiction for sytycd season 5 is. Surprisingly I'm not ashamed of it either haha.

Season 6: Thus Far.

2009-11-11T09:59:00.003-05:00

Anyone who knows me KNOWS that I'm a So You Think You Can Dance ADDICT, and that's not an exaggeration. If you don't believe me just follow my tweets during the times that the show is on, and even randomly throughout the day. I pretty much mention SYTYCD at least once a day, at least.
So Season 6 started about 2-3 weeks ago...this week is the 3rd week tonight being the 3 elimination. I have some goods and bads about this season that I'd like to vent on. If you follow my tweets then it might be like I'm repeating some of the stuff I tweeted about. I'll start with the bad and end with the good.
Okay the first thing that has really been bugging me this season is that dreaded stage. I absolutely hate me, it doesn't flatter the dances AT ALL. It's a big flat stage of nothingness, and don't even get me started on the lights. I hate them, the screen backdrop thingy makes all the dances feel very cheesy, that's why I really have to make myself NOT look at the background or I'll hate every dance that uses the backdrop. Another thing that is working my nerves this season is the...Judges! (In my Cat Deeley voice lol only sytycd watchers will get that)
The judges are really pissing me off this season. They seem to have this whole "A for effort" way of judging and I hate it. Like last night for example...Channing Cooke and Victor Smalley had an AMAZING contemporary piece choreographed by Stacey Tookey that was flawless! You know what the judges had to say? They said that they couldn't really get excited for it because they expected them to be good in that style because they were both Contemporary dancers. So basically they were giving them shit because they just happened to pick their style of dance out of a hat full of many different styles. They were giving them shit because they just happened to do an AMAZING job. I didn't understand that. Then Ellenore and Ryan did a TERRIBLE hip hop piece choreographed by Lil C, and Adam Shankman was gave them an "A for effort" speech. Pretty much saying that they did "okay" seeing how far out of their styles they both were. When in reality they did TERRIBLE. I don't care if she's contemporary and he's latin ballroom, they did terrible. Russel goes out there and gives his ALL in EVERY dance he picks, and he's a hip hop dancer. He has done stuff SO far away from hip hop and he KILLS it. There's no need to give him an A for Effort speech because he's a GREAT dancer. I think if you have to give a sytycd dancer an A for Effort speech then it's time for them to be eliminated. The judges have also been doing something else that has been annoying me. They have been saying "Well if I have to judge the technical side..." um...YOU'RE A JUDGE if you don't judge EVERY aspect of the dance then you're not doing your job right. To JUST judge on how much fun it was watching it is a cop out. I enjoyed watching "Scarlett takes a tumble" on youtube, but does that mean she deserves to win an national competition? NO. To put the technical side of dance to the side means that the dancers aren't as good as you're trying to make them out to be. To say you have the "best" top 20 of all the seasons, but every week you try to put their technical abilities on the back burner is absolute BULLSHIT. I DO like some of the dancers, but even "Five Alive" had their bad weeks, and the judges didn't sugar coat that shit. To sugar coat criticism will basically cripple those dancers. Yeah you shouldn't just say "that was terrible you suck, go sit down" but to praise something that wasn't worthy of being praised is building up the dancers with false information. If they're doing bad they need to know so they can practice and improve. If all my teachers just let me spell stuff the way I wanted to without correcting me I would be one dumb S.O.B. so get it together judges, and get it together FAST.
I also had a HUGE problem with the way they did eliminations the first two weeks. As everyone knows the World Series was going on, and basically ROYALLY fucking up my TV schedule (it's been SO long since I've seen glee, it makes me sad) so what they were doing is they had them do their dances, and eliminated in the SAME show. So basically the power was FULLY in the judges hands...and as you know I've HATED the judges decisions so far. The first week I had a problem with them elimination Brandon, he did a GREAT job. I guess then they weren't doing the "A for Effort" thing that they are doing now. Brandon was a last minute replacement because Billy got sick. So Brandon had LITERALLY a day and a half to LEARN and PERFECT a dance that was COMPLETELY out of his style...and in my opinion he KILLED. He did such a good job, and it was a very elegant dance. They eliminated him, but he's allowed to re-audition next season, thank god. Then the next week I had a problem with them eliminating Bianca Revels...I love that girl. I agree her dance wasn't SUPER strong that night, but I do know if the public had gotten the chance to vote, she wouldn't have left that night. For some reason they keep praising Kevin too, like he's just amazing...I highly dislike him. He's not that good of a dancer, he has VERY awkward ways of positioning himself during the dances, and it annoys the hell out of me. I want him gone, NOW.
The last bad thing (it's really not the last but I'm rambling so I need to move myself along) is the fact that there's SO many new choreographers. I hate it. I liked when sytycd was like a family. A family of judges, a family of choreographers...just a family. Now it has a very hollow feel to it that I dislike. The choreographers aren't BAD, but they're not as good as my old family of choreographers. I want MORE Nappy-Tabs. I want MIA. I want some Brian Friedman. I even miss seeing Tyce all the time. I WANT THE OLD SYTYCD BACK.

Saying that, there are some good things about this season. The first being some of my favorite dancers. My ULTIMATE favorite is Legacy, I love him. He's an amazing dancer, and he has such a kind spirit. Then there's Victor Smalley, I love him too. He has a very nerdy quality to him that I've just fallen for, not to mention his absolute sexiness. He is also a VERY good dancer. His Stacey Tookey piece took me THERE. Of course I love Jakob Karr, he's just flawless. Very gay, but flawless. His lines will make you melt, and orgasm at the same time. He's pretty cute too. I hate that people are saying Victor is like a hamburger and Jakob is like steak...I think they are BOTH amazing, and BOTH deserve to be where they are...so LEAVE THEM ALONE.
In the girls I love Mollee, Pauline, and Karen. They are all fierce. Mollee is just a big nerd, she makes me laugh like every week. Pauline is so little and sexy, I just love her. Karen...if I was straight I would be all over her haha she has so much sex appeal it's crazy.
I can't name a favorite dance just yet, there have been alot of really good ones, but none have had that THING that so many Five Alive dances have had (for those of you who don't know Five Alive is season 5. aka my favorite season)
So I'm keeping an open mind with season 6...I'm hoping they take it to that level where I'm STOKED to go see them on tour. Though even before season 6 started I said that they have BIG shoes to fill because FIVE ALIVE has my heart in a choke-hold and it's not gonna be easy for me to fall for another season when season 5 has my heart.

That being said,
I LOVE YOU PHILLIP, PONO, BRANDON, EVAN, ADE JASON, JEANINE, JANETTE, MELISSA, KAYLA, CAITLYN, AND RANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5ALIVE forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Monday!

2009-11-09T11:05:00.003-05:00

I'm a day late, but I'm always a day late with my "Eyes" posts
Sorry once again lol Hope the pic makes up for my tardiness :)

he has a semi-creepy facial expression in this pic
but, his eyes are amazing so I hope you guys enjoy
plus a dorky guy is always a plus in my book :)

Current Addictions

2009-11-07T14:18:00.002-05:00

Thought I'd share some songs I'm currently obsessing over at the moment.

Kesha- TiK ToK (currently my text ringtone)

Leighton Meester- Somebody To Love (I love the part where she speaks like french or something, it's hottt)

2009 BET Cypher (just Nicki Minaj's freestyle)

Nicki Minaj- Gettin' Paid

Birdman, Drake, Lil Wayne- Money To Blow

6 Tre G- Fresh (Like A Million Bucks)
[ADDICTED to this song for some reason lol]

Miley Cyrus- Party In The USA (this song will be one of my favorite for a while lol I will bump this all through next summer :D)

Good Morning

2009-11-05T05:19:00.004-05:00

So it's 5:27 a.m. and I don't have to be to work until 7, so I thought I'd stop by and give you guys a post. If you guys follow my twitter [Twitter.com/JCMays00] then you should know that I have a job now. I just started on Tuesday, and yesterday I had the day off. So technically today is only my second day of work. I work at a place called Tim Hortons. I'm not really sure if it's known nationwide, but I know some people know of it and some people don't. Basically it's a fast food-ish coffee "shop". That's how I describe it. It's an alright job so far, but there is one thing I don't like about it. I dislike the under 25 second speed of service. I'm sorry but I'm a KLUTZ so me making coffee at a fast pace in a SMALL work area with like 6 other people is just asking for disaster. Though Tuesday I didn't make and HUGE mistakes. Just a couple little ones, and the manager said I did pretty good. Hopefully they don't put me on like doughnuts or sandwiches today because I will KILL their speed of service time for the day. :/ I hope the computer thing works so I can watch DVDs all day :) I just want to hurry up and get familiar with the job and the people so I'll be less nervous about going to work. I have a HUGE problem with building things up in my head so yesterday I contemplated quitting already, Though I don't have another day off this week so I should be good. Hopefully today goes smoothly, if not...hopefully nobody yells at me because I hate people yelling at me, especially people my age. (which is another thing I kind of dislike) Though the people I work with are pretty cool, they're not THAT immature or ignorant so I think I'll be able to handle them. Like one of them was kind of outraged that someone had called someone else a "Jerk" a week or so prior. So I don't think it'll be too tough working with them. Especially since it's morning and nobody really talks since we have to have people served in under 25 seconds.
Let me elaborate on that more because it just, annoys me. I have NEVER EVER EVER been served at ANY fast food restaurant in under 25 seconds. NEVER. I've even gotten coffee there before. Was I served in under 25 seconds?? NO. Was my whole day completely ruined?? NO. If people are late to work because we take 45 seconds to get them their stuff...it's THEIR fault. Nobody told them to come to get coffee and doughnuts if they were running late. There's something called an Ice Capp it's sorta like Starbuck's "Frapp" and it make that in under 25 seconds (to me) is impossible. The cups are by the drive thru window, and the machine is far away from the drive thru window. Then you have to pour it (it's like a slushie but somewhat harder) and then you have to mix it, and the mixer thing NEVER wants to turn off for me. So yeah that's really the only problem I had the first day was with the Ice Capp's, which caused me to throw off the speed of service JUST a little.Though they were sucking, HARD without me. My coffees were made quick but the other people with the sandwiches and the doughnuts and stuff were taking a little longer. So that's why I don't want to do anything but coffee, because if THEY take a long time, I'm just starting so I'm going to take FOREVER lol.
Well I gotta go iron my uniform and then shower and all that good stuff so I'll talk to you guys later.

:)

Early :)

2009-11-04T20:15:00.000-05:00

lol

Slightly Late

2009-11-02T07:29:00.001-05:00

Sorries :)

-Little Things Add Up-

Accepting Parenting equals Bad Parenting?

I really need to get a life.

I liked you better when you were single.

Once upon a dream.

BitchSlap..

A little bummed.

Ian Gallagher is my hero.

I got to go see DeRay!

21-

Fuck you.

You've done porn??

My Mother Has a Facebook Account

MY LOVER !!

Random Blog #4645987463512

I'm done slacking.

I miss you.

Ok I'm a liar.

Sigh

$1,600

Fuck my life.

I want what comes after falling in love.

I've always wanted to blow someone with a tat in that spot

My New Boyfriend

Fuck.

A4A, I fuckin hate you.

Keri Hilson - All The Boys

.

My [straight] husband.

Good Morning.

asdfjkl;

It's okay when it's done right.

I think i like you, [and you, and you, and you]

The Bad Influence

Mr Reliable.

The New Lover.

My Bestie. [silver]

My First.

The Dreaded Ex.

My Ride or Dies.

The One Night Stand.

The Boyfriend.

The Husband.

One of my most fucked up dreams ever.

I love this movie

Today is Tuesday.

I've found my soulmate..

1.1.11

Making a Comeback

Don't hate me!

Jealousy. |Rant|

Asher Roth

FCKH8

I've Fallen Back In Love..

So I wanna be a zombie for halloween..

Survey

*Breaking News *

10.10.10 | My life at the moment.

Now if she was a man...

My guy has a fiance...?

soo...

Change of plans

I'm Back !

Goodbye :(

Hot Damnn

Courage.

Taylor Gets His Own Post :)

Just a mix :)

My life...currently.

Is it wrong to want the sterotype?

For some reason, I really like this song lol

My Opinion:| Jersey Shore Reunion

I promise

Jersey Shore| You Hate it, I love it.

2010

Does one bad apple really spoil the whole bunch?

ASK ME ANYTHING!

Just a quick post.

My Boyfriend| The Starbucks Man :)

My son? My nephew??

Breaking News